8:07 – Holy shit this recap just won’t end. I wasn’t kidding when I said season LONG.
8:08 – Finally, some live-action. Back at camp after the last tribal council, and Russell is trying to expose Parvati as a liar. It, once again, one of Russell’s moves might just be working...
8:10 – Hey, anyone on the island remember that Colby and Jerri were on the same season? They were even tribe mates on the Ogakor tribe (yup, Wikipedia on the fly!) Anyone else worried that they might remember that little fact one of these days, and strike up an alliance? I’m calling a Colby-Jerri-Rusell final three right now...
8:14 – Tree mail time: and it sounds like a Colby-special challenge. Could it be sling-shots and plate-breaking? Since Russell is telling us that Colby needs to win immunity or he’s going home, I bet it is.
8:15 – And I’m wrong – it’s some plate-n-bowl-stacking-balance thing. I’ve seen half-time acts at Raptors games that could kick ass at this game. And they stack the dishes on their head. Using their feet. While riding a unicycle. Don’t believe me?
(Ya, I just found that by Googling “Chinese dish stakcking unicycle”)
8:17 – Sandra’s out first. I’m only surprised it’s not Colby. My money is on Parvati to win – anyone else notice she’s won EVERY endurance challenge so far this season? Standing on little platforms? Won it. Hand above your head? Won it. Post balancing? Won it.
8:18 - Jerri’s out.
8:19 – Russell’s out. And I think Parvati is growing a little peach-fuzz beard.
8:21 – Colby’s out, and Parvati has won immunity again. It’s going to make for some interesting stratemagizing before the next vote.
8:26 – Back at camp, and Colby is hussling – to go home? Really? The ol’ "ote me off and let’s just enjoy the day?" schtick? Ya, I’m betting it doesn’t happen. And oh wait, while taking a dump in the woods Colby tells us the truth – that is was all an act.
8:28 – Colby makes his pitch to Russell – and this little fishy is nibbling. At least enough to make us think there’s drama going into tribal council....
8:30 – A mere 30 minutes in, and we’re at our first tribal council. As the jury comes in I notice that Coach has ditched the karma-yoga-tai chi look for the country-clu douche bag look. And Rupert has gone from the drunken-hobo look to the showered-drunken-hobo look.
8:33 – After lots of chatter, but nothing really much said – it’s time to vote: we get to see that Colby is voting for Sandra, and Sandra is voting for Colby – and that’s it. Not even a clever comment that could be taken either way...
8:34 – The vote is in: Colby. Sandra. Colby. Colby. That’s enough, and Colby is going home. And that last 30 minutes shows why I don’t win these pool – I can’t even predict what’s going to happen in the next half-hour...
8:36 – Commercial break – the Global Reality TV channel launches July 1. What are they going to show on the main Global channel now then?
8:37 – Speaking of reality TV, I’m pledging right now: if there’s a Big Brother on this summer, I’m not watching it.
8:39 – The final-four, all Villains, are back to camp. Parvati just realized that she’s a threat. Well duh sunshine, has anyone else left even won an immunity challenge?
8:41 – Tree mail time again – already. And it’s a treasure map – to the ceremonial torch-burning challenge. Out of protest for this annual melodramatic crap-fest, my least favourite part of every season, I’m not recapping it.
8:58 – Smoke break over, and we’re FINALLY through memory lane and onto the last immunity challenge. Could Jeff stress that this is the LAST challenge any more? It’s a big blind-folded maze challenge. This could be good. Interesting, but hard to recap. Suffice it to say, there’s a lot of bumping into each other and walls. And Sandra sucks.
9:04 – Wow! What a finish. That was amazingly close. And Russell has immunity, and will make his final tribal council for the second season in a row. And am I the only person that just realized that it’s going to be a final-three again this season, not a final-two? Sonuvabitch, I hate it when they keep changing the rules.
9:10 – I’m pretty sure all of the time between now and the penultimate tribal council is going to be devoted to building up the “will Parvati be going home” drama?
9:11 – Russell tells Sandra he wants her in the final-three, because he thinks he can beat her. Didn’t somebody try that strategy before, in the Pearl Islands? They sure did – her name was Lill – and you don’t remember her because she was an idiot and took Sandra to the final.
9:15 – Tribal council, and everyone seems a little nervous. Even Russell, and he’s got immunity around his neck. Everyone’s making their case: Sandra makes the anyone-but-me pitch, Jerri wants to vote out Parvati, and Parvati wants to stay. It’s like they’ve all forgotten that they ALL have a vote – seems like they’re all lobbying for Russell’s vote. He’s got immunity, not the magic veto.
9:19 – Jeff reads out the votes, and predictably it’s Parvati, Jerri, Jerri. And... Jerri. Bold move by Russell. Maybe he did have a magic veto. He better hope he has Jerri’s vote – and if he does, this will be another smart Russell move.
9:26 – Back at camp for the last night. Seriously, can we just move the vote up and get it over with?
9:28 – It’s time for a big breakfast feast. And then I bet they burn this place to the ground.
9:30 – Sanda gets the fire-party started by burning Russell’s hat. What a bitch.
9:32 – Yup, here we go. Parvati lights the shelter on fire. Burn this mutha down.
9:33 – Final tribal council is finally here. What a boring finale episode so far – we can only hope the fireworks start now. Or this is going to be the most anticlimactic finish to the best season of Survivor I can remember. Greg’s taking over the recap from here – I’m going to just sit back, and enjoy. Less typey more watchy.
Welcome back spo
rts fans. What a great season!!! Survivor 20 has outdone itself. 20 seasons in, amazing, and they produce the best one yet. Thanks to S & R for getting us this far, keeping us entertained with amazing weekly recaps, some really memorable comments for sure! Didn't take us long before we should have put an Parental Advisory sticker on this sum bitch, eh? Fuck it, never too late:The power has now shifted from Russell's hands over to the Jury. As always it's up to the Jury's to decide the fate of the most deserving final 3 in survivor History. Don't think either of these competitors belong here, you're sadly mistaken, and well, frankly you're an idiot, here's why:
Russell Hantz - no doubt the most conniving son of a bitch to play the game. He knows how to get to the finals. He's proven that. I'd even say the best player to play the game to ensure they reach the finals... He's got Competitive and Strategy down.
Parvati Shallow -haha stupid name. Anyway, there is no doubt in my mind she's the best player to have ever played the game (if not, top 3). She does it all. She's smart enough, loyal enough, friendly enough, and competitive enough. Maybe not the best at any one trait, scratch that, definitely not the best at any one trait, but good enough at all of the elements to make her a deadly package.
Sandra Diaz Twine - Like Russell, a perfect example of needing only two of the 3 main elements to excel at this game. I give Sandra Strategy and Social. She kinda sucks ass at challenges. But as she puts later on, it's part of her strategy to suck, so you know what, not being perceived as a threat, maybe she is great at all 3... But one thing about Sandra, is she knows your history. Learns about you, and actually gives the impression she gives a shit. And you can not discount that after 40 days on a frigg'n deserted island.
To the statements:
Sandra starts: "Ju-Know, it be like this, I told ya'all to vote Russell out. Stt. You din nint listen to me. And now ya'all on the jury wishing you were me.... (DAMN! That's a great approach, Sandra could be trouble here)
Russell sticks to the same strategy that netted him second last season. "I beat you. I played this game hard. In your face. Now vote for me". This strategy HAS worked before. Rich started the trend with this being HOW you win this game, but it slowly trended away from the in your face approach, it's gone back a couple times for sure, but as we saw last year with Natalie killing Russell in the final vote, it's a tough sell to people freshly scorned.
Parvati - I was a threat from day 1. I was the target of your votes like 100 times and yet I'm still here. Early on I claimed Russell as my pet dragon, and she proved his allegiance to me by keeping me here. The only person in this game he's proven allegiance to. (Um Russell, this isn't going well for you brother these women are tough)...
To the Jury:
Colby starts. You know what going first on the Jury questions means? You're safe. You're not gonna freak out the censors or the advertisers. Hey Colby, you giant pc of crap, used to be m-effer, sit down and colour or something. (Pathetic sidenote, Colby holds one of the all time records for individual challenges won. This season ZERO, that's how good he USED to be).
Coach goes. Fairly boring yet poetic as always in his own way. To sum it up he basically wishes he snuggled up to Parv instead of Jerri cause well, Parv is way better.
Some women claiming to be my Amanda steps up? WTF? Whoever this broad is just just got point blanked with Homer Simpson's make up shot-gun. You see that episode? The automatic hammer, the everythings okay alarm... and the make up gun? Note too hot chicks, tone it down with the make-up, mmkay? Rocking a body like that, you do not want to distract me to your clown makeup. Anyway I can't even remember what she said, but it probably wasn't very important.Court
ney's turn. A little surprised she was allowed to wear the "I HEART SANDRA" T-Shirt. But it pays to have friends on the Jury. She sets Sandra up for a softball question about proving her awesome loyalty over both of her seasons. Then doesn't even give Parv or Russell the time of day. Who says the Jury doesn't have power.
JT "Cletus" Time. In his stereotypical southern drawl, he actually spits out some really deep Survivor analogies that may prove a huge lesson to the future players of this game. 1: Don't give away immunity to your opponents, but aside from that, 2: Getting to the finals is only 50% of the game. 50%!? WOW maybe he's onto something. Winning it is the other 50%... He basically says what I did above. Russell may be the best 50% player to ever play the game... but you can tell JT isn't voting for Russell, and if he's not, maybe nobody is...
Danielle gets up, just after JT's insight, and asks Russell if he would have changed anything. Setting him up for the classic, I wish I hadn't done __________ to you. And maybe I shouldn't have done ________ to ______... playing the game the Jury wants you too asking for forgiveness along with their vote. To which Russell actually replies "I wouldn't change a thing" to which Danielle replies (NOBODY IS VOTING FOR YOU!)... ouch. Danielle plays the Jury role of Dave, who sunk Russell last season with his "Hey Everyone, vote for Natalie instead of Russell" speech.
Jerri - open vote. Classic win me over questions to all. Sandra and Parv ruin Russell some more and we move on.
Candace - Great. The biggest pc of crap all season gets all high and mighty on Parvati, and bury's her to the Jury. Ungood Parv, ungood. Candace compares her to a sad pathetic abused wife in an abusive situation. Hmm, don't hear that one every day. I think that's worse than the classic coattail rider. I think that's even worse than the "I wouldn't give you water speech" from Sue Hawk ought 20 seasons ago. Bitch.
Rupert - This guy knows how to formulate thoughts into well spoken meaningful sentences. Not me, I just say shit that pops in my head. But this guy... If he had a WHITE beard, dude that would be sick. He'd go from Homeless looking to Philosophy teacher in no time. Anyway, another classic Survivor-ism that goes along the lines of this to Russell:
Honest, hard working effort at Survivor is the true test of a man. And it's the HARD way to make the finals. The lying, cheating, manipulating approach he takes is very easy, and he can't respect someone taking the easy way. Then says both Parv and Sandra deserve to win...
Russell cues the producer to cut to commercial, he can't take any more of this....
We're back and just in time for some alliteration; Hantz's hatless head is hung, hopelessly hoping for a halo'd helper heeding hospice. Hey, Hantz, Huck Hou.
Time to vote. At this point we know that Russells nailed his 50%, but that's the most he's getting. Nobody votes for him. They edit it to show 3-3, Parv vs Sandra with 3 unshown votes, which means someone's winning this thing 6-3... And amazingly, one of them will be a 2 time winner. Wow.
And that person will be revealed once we cut to the live reunion show. And I'm only delaying what you already know to point out some of the fun stuff Jeff used to do. Remember when he Jet Skied across the Pacific to get to the Reunion? That was sweet. He did a whole bunch of other crazy stuff too, but that was my fav. Anyway this time, just walks out to a studio, and reads the votes.
P-S-P-S-P-S-SANDRA-SANDRA-SANDRA.
In typical Sandra fashion he cites some stats. 2 times playing, 2 times winning. That makes her the best ever. I don't know about best ever, but I'm fully in the camp of one of the best...
Russell for the second straight year (and twice in like 6 months) wins and additional $100,000 from for being the Fan Choice winner. Lets face it, good with the Jury or not, this guy is entertaining to watch.
After a mini-reunion blowup between Boston Rob and Russell I have an idea. Survivor with Captains! But better than last year when they dabbled with the idea. The Captains can't be voted off or win the game, kinda like the Ryder Cup. Team Boston Rob vs Team Russell vs Team Rupert vs Team Amanda... ha, sign me up for watching every second of that as well! For now, we're off to Nicaragua, for season 21, although slightly less hopes rest on season 21, but don't forget it was season 19 that found Russell out of no where as well when hopes were low. So my guess is there's some more great casting. But this super all-star edition really delivered and will be missed.
Thanks for following along, hope you enjoyed as well.
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