Episode 6 Recap: All hail the king...

Previously on Survivor: Mark Burnett set up a double elimination week to make sure the Villains had to lose a member just to get the drama flowing. Oh and it did – Tyson surprised himself by essentially voting himself out while the BostonRob / Russell war finally got some legs and got started. And then, while the Villains ate hotdogs and watched on, the Heroes tribe booted James. Now 5 Heroes remain against 8 Villains – who’ll be voted out tonight?

Well, since this recap is about 3 days late (Easter long weekend – suck it my peeps), I’m sure you’re all aware who gets voted out. But let’s pretend we don’t and I’ll recap it all suspenseful-like and shit, ‘kay? 


Back at the Villains’ tribe, BostonRob is reeling from his BFF getting voted out.

“….for the foist time in all [3 seasons] those times, I was shocked [at tribal council] last night. I completely don’t know what happened. But the more and more I think about it, somethin’ doesn’t feel right.”

Poor BostonRob – he genuinely looks shell-shocked here. And a little bit sad. Awwww…… I want to rub his back and make him feel better.

And while he commiserates with his alliance, Pavarti and Russell and Skankielle chit chat and giggle and celebrate about their coup. Which of course irritates BostonRob, because how dare they celebrate one of the biggest moves Survivor has ever seen? But it also foreshadows makes BostonRob start to wonder about the loyalty of the other peeps in his alliance.

Meanwhile over at the Heroes’ tribe…oh wait. We’re still at the Villains – because they’re the only interesting people on this show right now - a.k.a. the Heroes are mind-numbingly boring for even the editors to piece together some watchable minutes.

Sooooo Jerry reminds us all a little bit about why she got picked for the Villains tribe (and why she has zero friends in RL) and sidles her bony ass up to Russell to see wha’ happened…

And within 3 minutes of dialogue he has played his jedi-mind-tricks on her and she’s eating out of his hand like a tame little goat at a petting zoo. Baaa Jerri. Baaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Meanwhile, over at the Heroes’ tribe… everyone is cold and whiny and sad they lost James. Even Colby seems morose. Or maybe that’s because he’s feeling all the pressure to actually DO SOMETHING. Um, yeah.

Today’s reward challenge is like tackle-water-polo. Nice and physical – setting this one up nicely for the Heroes to win – thanks Mark!

I won’t keep you in suspense – the Villians suck balls at this challenge. Oh and Colby “redeems” himself and actually DOES SOMETHING for once. Oh and Candice continues to be my current favourite girl-crush. Because she rocks it. And she schools Coach one-on-one more than a few times.

The Heroes get to have a big feast of yummy food – not fried chicken and hotdogs for once, it actually looks like a spread that won’t make their starving insides explode. Oh and there’s another hidden immunity idol at their beach – and they decide to find it “as a tribe” this time. Because they’re all unified and shit. They lurrrrve each other. And they’re a strong team. And blahblahblah…

Back at the Villians tribe Jerri and Russell approach Coach for their new “alliance”. And Coach is hurt that Jerri didn’t talk to him about it before. And it he wants to play an honour-bound game…and doesn’t trust Russell…and did trust Jerri and wants to trust BosonRob…. And omg, I don’t know if I can recap this conversation without throwing up. Jerri finally gets annoyed with Coach's pontification and is just like, “well dude that’s my decision – so either you’re with us or you’re not”. Whatever – I stopped caring 3 words into this conversation.

Thankfully we’re saved by the immunity challenge – it’s a net race with a puzzle at the end. Set up well to let BostonRob lead his team to victory, right? Riiiiiiiiight??? 

Everyone does fairly well at climbing the rope ladder and navigating the net. Well, except for Courtney – she’s a nightmare as usual. Heroes get started on their puzzle first. But that should matter, because BostonRob is the super-puzzle-master, right? Riiiiiight??? 

Yeah – they get their asses handed to them by JT and Amanda. And the Villians are on their way to tribal tonight. And you can see as Jeff announces the victory, you can see on Rob’s face that he is f.u.c.k.e.d. With a capital F.

Back at the Villains tribe, Russell and BostonRob have one of the best conversations EVAH.

Rob asks Russell what he thinks they should do – Russell responds, “I think we need to weed off the weak”.

BostonRob asks who he suggests.

And Russell responds, “One of these” and gestures to Courtney and Sandra, who are SITTING RIGHT THERE.

It’s fantastic. So fantastic that I had to rewind and watch this a few times just to laugh a little more. BostonRob’s reaction is also amused disbelief laughter. Like, dude, did you just say that?

Anyways – Russell is playing the cocky, “this is what we gotta do” card. And just like last season, everyone is falling in line. Well, except BostonRob, who of course doesn’t want to split up his remaining alliance. Even Coach is gunning for him to boot Courtney. To which BostonRob tries to pull a page out of Russell’s book and jedi-mind-trick him into doing what he wants on the basis of “honour” and “loyalty”. So Coach agrees to vote out Russell and even fist-bumps BostonRob on solidifying his “word”. 

And then walks over to Russell’s little harem of the “dumb girl alliance” where Jerri is practically worshipping at his feet and Skankielle is not far behind.

Is it just me? Does anyone else get the heebeejeebies when they see Russell sitting like a little toad-king amongst his girls? Because, while it’s awe-inspiring how people don’t see through his shit, it’s also awe-inspiring how all these girls will just sit and agree to everything he says. 


So Coach feeds into Russell’s ego (oh and plays SO HONOURABLY btw) by telling him that he respects that he’s not gunning for BostonRob and really truly seems to want to make the right decision to keep the tribe strong (aka voting off Courtney or Sandra). And Coach respects that. Because as an honourable man, he sees the honour in what Russell is doing. Even though, he should know, BostonRob is totally trying to vote off your toady little ass.

To which Russell responds, in his cunning little way, yeah – exactly – I should vote him off, but I want to keep the tribe strong. And then Skankielle and Jerri start piping up that they should get rid of BostonRob, all hail toad-king Russell.

And so it is written. And so it shall be done. 


Coach doesn’t like it. But he’s given his word. (His word to Russell – not the word he gave to BostonRob – that doesn’t count anymore-sies – because Russell licked-it-sticked-it-stamped-it, ‘kay?). So Coach doesn’t have a choice. He’s backed into a corner. Don’t you feel bad for him? Because he’s so HONOURABLE. And this is KILLING him….

At tribal Jeff tries to pull out the drama – there’s more bickering between BostonRob and Russell – alpha dogs trying to one-up one another.

Let’s not delay the suspense any longer – 3 votes for Russell. 1 vote for Courtney. And 4 votes for BostonRob.

One last fun part? Coach tries to hug him on the way out and Boston Rob sidesteps him and calls him a “little man”. It visibly crushes Coach. Heh.

Next week on Survivor: The Villians tribe hates each other. The “alliances” breakdown. I smell merge—week…