The Final Pool Update before the Finale. Good luck to the 6-7 people who are in it for one reason or another. Thanks for playing to the rest. It's been a great year.
Survivor Pool Update Pre Finale
Friday, May 14, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Episode 13: We'll build you and up and tear you down again
Previously on Survivor: Russell managed to get everyone to once again do exactly as he pleased – which this time involved getting rid of Danielle – one of his closest alliance members. You'd think that'd make his alliance turn against him, wouldn't you? Spoiler Alert! It doesn't.
Apres tribal council Parvarti is all, WTF Jerri? Jerri tells her that Russell threatened her and that’s why she changed her vote – but oh yeah, they def need to get rid of Rupert and Colby now (and can I just say – how the HELL is Colby still here on day whatever it is???? Fucking bonkers is what that is.) Anyhoo – Russell plays a bit of crowd control, but really you can tell that he’s not too concerned about Parvarti now. It was clearly a power play, and Russell won the pissing contest, so he’s pretty comfortable with everyone, including the Heroes losers.
Treemail! Surprise! You get a piece of antiquated equipment! Check out your Palm Pre by Sprint! (Seriously Blackberry, you couldn’t pay for the product placement?)
Anyhoo – it’s the family challenge where if they win they get to chill with their family member. Ahhhh – makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I’d recap the brief reunions, but I just don’t care all that much.
Challenge is the classic, “Pass the water by throwing it, fill your bucket the fastest”. Again, I’d recap it, but I just don't care all that much. All you need to know is Jerri, Russell and Rupert actually played well. Everyone else sucked – especially Colby (SHOCKER!).
Jerri wins it and gets to pick a few Survivor friends (and their family members) to join her – she picks Parvarti and Sandra. Russell is spitting mad he didn’t get picked and of course starts sidling up to Rupert and Colby to consol himself.
The reward is coconut fireworks in sea geysers – um, if that sounds crazy, it’s because it is. And really that’s all I have to say about that.
Jerri gets all worried and spends family time to chat strategy – which is really just whinging about the fact that she’s skeered of Russell and is worried he’s gonna be mad at her for not picking him. Here’s a clue – if you’re that worried about it, perhaps you should have just flippin' picked him to join you. Last time I checked you and Sandra weren’t BFF – so the hell is she even doing there? She doesn’t even have an immediate family member as her reward – it’s some random Uncle… (yes, I’m going to hell).
Back at camp, Russell is all, “What was she thinking? I was fully expecting she would bring me. Why wouldn’t she? I’ve been bringing her along the entire time.” And in fairness, he has a point. Jerri would’ve been nothing without Russell. She can’t seem to make a decision (well, a good one) of her own to save her life, and yet she keeps on living…
So instead, Russell approaches Rupert and Colby for a top 3 alliance deal. Plan is to take Parvarti out…
Immunity challenge is the double-handed balance bar doo-hickey.
15 seconds in and Colby’s out. What a fucking clown. Sandra drops, then Russell, then Jerri is also out. It’s Rupert and Parvarti fighting it out 17 minutes in (not a long challenge). Rupert plays around with his poles far too much and Parvarti wins immunity.
Back at camp, Russell changes his mind AGAIN (or did he actually ever plan on going against Parvarti? I don’t know) and tells Parvarti that the plan is now Rupert. That is, until Sandra approaches Rupert again about getting rid of Russell – which of course Rupert plays to his advantage and runs to Russell with – to stir the pot and get his nerves on edge. And Russell falls for it – going immediately to Sandra whether she's with him or against him. She is far too comfortable or has been drinking sea water or something, because she actually tells him “I’m against you Russell” giggling the whole time with Parvarti. It’s enough to piss him off and now he wants to get rid of her.
Sidebar? Russell plays a great game, but his Achilles heel is for sure his inability to trust that someone is not going to vote him out – and perhaps that's always the smart move – vote those that could possibly vote against you. The best defense is a good offense. But both Rupert and Sandra have played this against him to get him to vote in their best interest and to that, I say, well played. Play the playa…
Sandra interviews that she’s so confident she’s not going to use the idol at tribal council, but she may bring it, just in case.
2nd sidebar? How can no one suspect she has the idol? Because where does all this cocky swagger confidence all of a sudden come from, for one of the self-proclaimed “outsiders” of the group?
Tribal council – Jeff sniffs out the Sandra/Rupert/Russell love triangle. I’d recap, but I just don't care all that much. And in the end - it doesn't matter, because Sandra plays her idol (again to the jaw-dropping amazement of Russell). But even that doesn't matter, because Russell ended up voting against Rupert. So all that 'will he or won't he' was just a bunch of made up drama to amuse us. Good editing - I almost believed Russell to be aligning with Rupert. Until he wasn't, that is.
So bye-bye Rupert. You played hard and well. I was kind of rooting for you in the end because you were really doing your best at hanging on. Well done.
Scenes from the next – Sunday, May 16th (wow, rushing us through a bit aren’t they?) – Colby uses the words “send me home”. Say it with me please... What. A. Fucking. Clown.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Recap W 12
Winging it again. Notes make this easier for sure, but F-it. I'll make some observations instead.
What a season right? For the past few years there was a learning curve with what to do with the Hidden Immunity Idol. Tell people, don't tell people. Some went home with it, others dabbled with splitting votes to flush it out, people have chiselled immunity stick monsters, made others play fake ones out of sheer assholishness, made exact replicas (that was nuts), but nobody quite realized the power it could have both with it itself, giving it up, and simply making people think you could maybe possibly have it, like they have repeatedly this season.
Russell for sure is the king of Idols, no question, but the shit Parvati and Rupert have now pulled, frigging Genius! A truly wild card element to an already crazy game. It's like calling non face cards wild in a friendly game of Poker. You're gonna get some big hands once you learn how to play.
Anyway, Bye Bye Amanada. You tall drink of kook-aide you. Dumb as all hell, yet one of the best players to play this crazy game. Just goes to show you while "Outwit" is one of the 3 major "OUTS", the other two are more important. Amanada, call me.
How shitty must camp life have been on the Heroes side for Candace to flip? I mean there's no way she could have bought Russell's Immunity Idol final 3 speech is there? I could see it out of total desperation, I get it, but to have Sandra begging you to vote for a Villain, any one Candace wanted, to swing the tide of the game in her favour, and still not vote with your original alliance, means your first 25 days were unproductive on a friend making aspect. Then again, I'm not sure I would invite Colby, Rupert over for drinks any time soon either. Colby seems like a total Debby Downer, Waaaaaah Waaah Waah. Anyway Candace is an idiot, she was easily the most questionable Hero in the first place, not simply due to recognition, but she was the original back turning FLIPPER when she took Jeff up on his Mutiny offer 6-7 seasons ago proving she has a history of flipping tribes. I now think there wasn't a HUGE lineup of returning contestants to come back, because Candace wasn't much of a player, nor much of a Hero. Anyway she got her comeuppance because Rupert faked a rock in his pants, and Colby and Rupert had the final laugh, even if short lived. I was really hoping they were gonna give her the sarcastic standing ovation slow clap though. Ahhh, com'mon that would have been satisfying. Anyway, for my benefit here's a whole bunch of celebrities giving Canadace the slow clap she so deserves Slow Clap
Lets see what else is going on. Jerri and Colby? How are they still around. Jerri has made the final 6 and I still think Tom has a better chance of winning this year. And Colby, how the hell could he step down for a couple of donuts? That was easily the most pathetic move I've maybe ever seen. I still had hope for him, but to quit immunity that easily, even if you don't think you can win...
HD Armpit hair is gross, even on hot chicks.
I'm not convinced yet he's the best player to play this game, but I do think Russell understands the game better than anyone in the sense that people like to plan for the end, to think about things 10 steps down the road, take today for granted, and he takes advantage of that. Because in 20 seasons of survivor, one thing is constant. The game is ever changing. It's a waste of time to think 10 steps down the road if you'll never EVER see step 4. The 'she said to vote you, no she said to vote you' plan he put forth between Danielle and Parv was classic. Not sure he would have pulled that off without the immunity necklace, but great none the less. Danielle also goes home, but she went kicking and screaming and crying and with a whole "Lifes Not fair" attitude that made his dirty move ever more classic. Parvati was wise to his plan and played it very well, but there was nothing she could do. And with that, Russell is back in charge, Parv has no choice but to stick with only him now, and the whole Parv has 2 idols you don't thing, Russell got even.
Sandra has the umpteenth hidden immunity idol. With nobody suspecting her of having it, and her not really even a threat right now for either side, amazingly I think she's gonna find herself doing the memory lane walk during the final 4 finale episode.
Rupert, I like Rupert more now than I did in either of the first two seasons. He does remind me of a Good Russell. The guy has it all together for sure regarding this game, maybe a little too loyal. He's really quite articulate for a crazzy drunk hobo looking guy. Makes some great observations and comments this year. All on a broken toe. He's scrappy if nothing else.
Jeff Probst is getting a lot more camplife cutting room floor info than before I think this season. "So welcome back to tribal council. Danielle, how was camp life today? Russell try and pin you against Parvati or anything else interesting like that happen?... Com'mon. Although it makes for great tribal councils.
Anyway that's my ramblings. Sandra found the idol. Colby And Rupert... still hanging around. Candice and Danielle went home. (The leader in the pool probably shouldn't have added Candice and Danielle this week, just say'n). Everything else is up to date. It's sad we're nearing the end, this season was too good to be true and I think next year, has it's work cut out. Although I get the feeling 16 of the 20 will take the Russell alpha approach, so that should be at mimimum entertaining.
On to next week, where they show Russell and Rupert uniting. Best Hero & Best Villain unite! Colby the geeky sidekick. Wonder how that's gonna work out....
What a season right? For the past few years there was a learning curve with what to do with the Hidden Immunity Idol. Tell people, don't tell people. Some went home with it, others dabbled with splitting votes to flush it out, people have chiselled immunity stick monsters, made others play fake ones out of sheer assholishness, made exact replicas (that was nuts), but nobody quite realized the power it could have both with it itself, giving it up, and simply making people think you could maybe possibly have it, like they have repeatedly this season.
Russell for sure is the king of Idols, no question, but the shit Parvati and Rupert have now pulled, frigging Genius! A truly wild card element to an already crazy game. It's like calling non face cards wild in a friendly game of Poker. You're gonna get some big hands once you learn how to play.
Anyway, Bye Bye Amanada. You tall drink of kook-aide you. Dumb as all hell, yet one of the best players to play this crazy game. Just goes to show you while "Outwit" is one of the 3 major "OUTS", the other two are more important. Amanada, call me.
How shitty must camp life have been on the Heroes side for Candace to flip? I mean there's no way she could have bought Russell's Immunity Idol final 3 speech is there? I could see it out of total desperation, I get it, but to have Sandra begging you to vote for a Villain, any one Candace wanted, to swing the tide of the game in her favour, and still not vote with your original alliance, means your first 25 days were unproductive on a friend making aspect. Then again, I'm not sure I would invite Colby, Rupert over for drinks any time soon either. Colby seems like a total Debby Downer, Waaaaaah Waaah Waah. Anyway Candace is an idiot, she was easily the most questionable Hero in the first place, not simply due to recognition, but she was the original back turning FLIPPER when she took Jeff up on his Mutiny offer 6-7 seasons ago proving she has a history of flipping tribes. I now think there wasn't a HUGE lineup of returning contestants to come back, because Candace wasn't much of a player, nor much of a Hero. Anyway she got her comeuppance because Rupert faked a rock in his pants, and Colby and Rupert had the final laugh, even if short lived. I was really hoping they were gonna give her the sarcastic standing ovation slow clap though. Ahhh, com'mon that would have been satisfying. Anyway, for my benefit here's a whole bunch of celebrities giving Canadace the slow clap she so deserves Slow Clap
Lets see what else is going on. Jerri and Colby? How are they still around. Jerri has made the final 6 and I still think Tom has a better chance of winning this year. And Colby, how the hell could he step down for a couple of donuts? That was easily the most pathetic move I've maybe ever seen. I still had hope for him, but to quit immunity that easily, even if you don't think you can win...
HD Armpit hair is gross, even on hot chicks.
I'm not convinced yet he's the best player to play this game, but I do think Russell understands the game better than anyone in the sense that people like to plan for the end, to think about things 10 steps down the road, take today for granted, and he takes advantage of that. Because in 20 seasons of survivor, one thing is constant. The game is ever changing. It's a waste of time to think 10 steps down the road if you'll never EVER see step 4. The 'she said to vote you, no she said to vote you' plan he put forth between Danielle and Parv was classic. Not sure he would have pulled that off without the immunity necklace, but great none the less. Danielle also goes home, but she went kicking and screaming and crying and with a whole "Lifes Not fair" attitude that made his dirty move ever more classic. Parvati was wise to his plan and played it very well, but there was nothing she could do. And with that, Russell is back in charge, Parv has no choice but to stick with only him now, and the whole Parv has 2 idols you don't thing, Russell got even.
Sandra has the umpteenth hidden immunity idol. With nobody suspecting her of having it, and her not really even a threat right now for either side, amazingly I think she's gonna find herself doing the memory lane walk during the final 4 finale episode.
Rupert, I like Rupert more now than I did in either of the first two seasons. He does remind me of a Good Russell. The guy has it all together for sure regarding this game, maybe a little too loyal. He's really quite articulate for a crazzy drunk hobo looking guy. Makes some great observations and comments this year. All on a broken toe. He's scrappy if nothing else.
Jeff Probst is getting a lot more camplife cutting room floor info than before I think this season. "So welcome back to tribal council. Danielle, how was camp life today? Russell try and pin you against Parvati or anything else interesting like that happen?... Com'mon. Although it makes for great tribal councils.
Anyway that's my ramblings. Sandra found the idol. Colby And Rupert... still hanging around. Candice and Danielle went home. (The leader in the pool probably shouldn't have added Candice and Danielle this week, just say'n). Everything else is up to date. It's sad we're nearing the end, this season was too good to be true and I think next year, has it's work cut out. Although I get the feeling 16 of the 20 will take the Russell alpha approach, so that should be at mimimum entertaining.
On to next week, where they show Russell and Rupert uniting. Best Hero & Best Villain unite! Colby the geeky sidekick. Wonder how that's gonna work out....
Survivor Pool Update - Big Changes
Some major points in the second section, and one major team blunder has shaken things up. Turning into a 4 horse race for overall title, but lots available still for team win and part 2 win. A few people are officially left with Zero players now. And mainly because the Heroes really blew it this season. Should have known Survivor is a Villainous game.
Anyway some fun things that happened:
Fried Food, Individual Immunities, Fake Idols (That Rock in the saggy pocket was awesome), and one more cryer... Booo Hooo.
http://corvision.ca/docs/S20HvVPoolw11.xls
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Episode 11: Finders, Keepers, Liars and Flippers
Wow, it's a Survivor recap - and it's not even Monday yet. Amazing.
Previously on Survivor: the Heroes and Villains merged, and while everyone wondered whether Russell could be trusted, it was Parvati who was responsible for one of the biggest shockers in Survivor history. For the first time ever two immunity idols were played, boomeranging the tribal council vote back onto JT who became the third member of the jury. 9 are left: who will be voted out tonight? No seriously, who’s it gonna be? Really? Jeff’s been asking this question at the start of every episode for 20 seasons, but this edition of Survivor has gotten so messed up, I have no clue anymore. None. I don’t even know who I have left in this freaking pool. And I’m fully expecting that one of these weeks, the remaining Survivors are going to all break out immunity idols at the same time and then conspire to vote off Jeff Probst in a unanimous vote, just to fuck with him. It could happen. It could even happen tonight…
We begin the episode back at camp following said tribal council shocker, and Candice wastes no time congratulating the Villains for their masterful performance. Candice’s intentions are pretty clear with this congratulatory bullshit, and she should just save some time, bow to her knees, and ask the Villains to take her aboard. But the Villains are too busy trying to figure out how Parvati just did what she did. Russell is pissed that Parvati is keeping secrets from him, and he wants to know who knew. But deep down inside, Russell is just pissed that some one not name Russell pulled off one of the biggest Survivor moves ever.
Morning breaks and Candice is getting an early start on betraying her alliance. Russell feels a nibble on the line, and he’s ready to reel this fish in. See, he’s convinced that Sandra is ready to jump to the Heroes side so Russell wants Candice to be his little insurance policy. You know, I hate to again reveal my Russell-love, but this guy is GOOOOOOOD.
We’re off to the reward challenge, and it’s a big Survivor shuffle board contest. Up for grabs: a night at a luxury hotel including a cheesy movie and a sleep in a comfy bed. Let’s face it, after almost 30 days outside these guys would get excited for a night at a roach-infested Motel 6 with breakfast at a Denny’s that just failed a health inspection. I’ll save you the boredom of this boring challenge (seriously, how many pucks do these assholes get to throw?): it comes down to the last rock, Colby wins it, and he’s off to the hotel with Danielle and Amanda. Bow-chicka-bow-bow.
The reward starts with a boring tour of some museum house, and Colby, Danielle, and Amanda all have that look like grade 8’s on field trip – you know, like “Wow this is Empire Loyalist homestead is fucking boring, but I could be back at school, so I’m at least going to pretend I’m slightly interested in the fact that these back-country rubes used to piss in this here copper bucket every night..” Yup, we’ve all been there.
Tour-time is over, and our three reward winners retire to their room to watch a classic version ofTreasure Island . And they all have that look like grade 8’s watching a move in the gymnasium – you know, like “Wow this Incredible Journey is so fucking boring, but I could be in class, so I’m at least going to pretend I’m slightly interested in whether this fucking dog and cat make it home again.” Yup, we’ve all been there.
Danielle is fixated on her popcorn, Amanda is going OCD for the immunity idol clue, and Colby, who SHOULD be fixated on the two hot chicks with massive racks sharing his tiny bed, is fixated on – the movie? Colby are you fucking kidding me? Look around man!! You’re the meat in a hot-girl sandwich dude, and you’re watching a black and white pirate movie? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?
Oh but wait, the action is about to get even hotter: Danielle finds the immunity idol clue andcalmly nervously drops it covertly obviously on the floor beside the bed. Amanda senses something is up, because she has a pulse and eyes, and the next 60 seconds goes something like this: “Give it to me! Get your hands off me! Colby!! Amanda took my idol clue. Colby!! Danielle’s touching me!!” Colby is asked to adjudicate the disagreement, and he wisely informs the girls that taking their tops off will help him decide who should get the idol clue. Oh wait, no he doesn’t – because Colby’s an IDIOT! In the end, he sides with Danielle’s “I-found-it-first” argument over Amanda’s “finders-keepers” defense. Nice work bud, way to stand up for your tribe mate. For those of you keeping track at home, moron Colby has passed up the best threesome opportunity he’s ever going to see, missed out on an obvious chance to have half-naked hot girls compete for an immunity idol clue, AND failed to help a tribe mate keep an immunity idol clue that he could have shared in, all in the about last 2.5 minutes. What a douche bag.
(For the record, Amanda is a twat for giving the clue back. If Danielle was dumb enough to think the floor beside the bed was a good enough hiding place, then I say tough titties to her. And if she thought there was some kind of I-found-it-first rule in play here, then why did she feel the need to hide the clue in the first place. This scene was really dumb. Like mind numbingly dumb)
Back at camp, Danielle shares the immunity clue (and a really over-dramatized version of last night’s events) with her Villainous friends. She and Russell go idol hunting, and it takes Russell about 4 seconds to find the idol, and covertly stash it in his shorts. See Danielle, THAT’S how you hide something without the people around you noticing. Russell doesn’t plan to tell anyone from his tribe that he found the idol, but he invites Candice to a “Wanna see my idol?” date in the jungle. And right up to the point where he unwrapped the actual idol, there must have been a small part of Candice that was worried Russell was just going to whip out his old-man balls. Sure enough, it’s the real thing – and it looks like Russell has yet another girl wrapped around his finger.
The next 30 minutes is a mess of will-she or won’t-she flip drama – featuring both Candice AND Sandra. I’ve replayed it like 3 times, and it’s a complicated mess that would take me another 2,000 words to summarize. And IF (big if) you’re still reading this, you’re certainly not going to stick with me for another 2,000 words about whether one or both of Sandra and Candice are or are not going to flip.
Somewhere in the middle of the drama, there’s an immunity challenge – a replay of the ol’ house-of-cards contest from a couple of seasons ago. Sandra obviously didn’t have blocks in whatever small Mexican village she grew up in; Amanda may be over-thinking the whole thing as she’s building a structure worthy of an Extreme Engineering episode, and Colby – shocker! – sucsk at this challenge again. It’s a photo finish featuring Jerri and Russell, and in the end Jerri win’s her first EVER immunity. Like ever. Wow – she’s sucked for a really long time.
Back at camp following the challenge, and it’s more Candice and Sandra drama. Thankfully, in the name of all that’s good and smart, they’ve at least figured out that whatever one does, they both have to do, or they’re both screwed. At least it SEEMS they’ve figured it out…
Off to tribal council, where Jeff is stirring the shit with a bigger-than-normal spoon tonight and the survivors are being a little more honest than normal. Everyone basically acknowledges that Sandra is the 6th wheel on the villains team, and the heroes even seem to be open about trying to sway her to their side. But will it work? After the vote, Russell plays his ka-billionth immunity idol to the shock of everyone, and as the votes roll in we find out that he really didn’t need it. Its coming down to Parvati – who looks genuinely scared, and Amanda – whose eyes are filling with more and more tears after each vote. Finally the count comes down, and Amanda is going home – which means Candice did indeed flip, and Sandra did not.
But will any of it matter? These so called “alliances” seem weaker that a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest – and I’m betting all promises are off by this time next week…
Oh, and HOW THE FUCK IS COLBY STILL IN THIS GAME? There, that feels better.
Previously on Survivor: the Heroes and Villains merged, and while everyone wondered whether Russell could be trusted, it was Parvati who was responsible for one of the biggest shockers in Survivor history. For the first time ever two immunity idols were played, boomeranging the tribal council vote back onto JT who became the third member of the jury. 9 are left: who will be voted out tonight? No seriously, who’s it gonna be? Really? Jeff’s been asking this question at the start of every episode for 20 seasons, but this edition of Survivor has gotten so messed up, I have no clue anymore. None. I don’t even know who I have left in this freaking pool. And I’m fully expecting that one of these weeks, the remaining Survivors are going to all break out immunity idols at the same time and then conspire to vote off Jeff Probst in a unanimous vote, just to fuck with him. It could happen. It could even happen tonight…
We begin the episode back at camp following said tribal council shocker, and Candice wastes no time congratulating the Villains for their masterful performance. Candice’s intentions are pretty clear with this congratulatory bullshit, and she should just save some time, bow to her knees, and ask the Villains to take her aboard. But the Villains are too busy trying to figure out how Parvati just did what she did. Russell is pissed that Parvati is keeping secrets from him, and he wants to know who knew. But deep down inside, Russell is just pissed that some one not name Russell pulled off one of the biggest Survivor moves ever.
Morning breaks and Candice is getting an early start on betraying her alliance. Russell feels a nibble on the line, and he’s ready to reel this fish in. See, he’s convinced that Sandra is ready to jump to the Heroes side so Russell wants Candice to be his little insurance policy. You know, I hate to again reveal my Russell-love, but this guy is GOOOOOOOD.
We’re off to the reward challenge, and it’s a big Survivor shuffle board contest. Up for grabs: a night at a luxury hotel including a cheesy movie and a sleep in a comfy bed. Let’s face it, after almost 30 days outside these guys would get excited for a night at a roach-infested Motel 6 with breakfast at a Denny’s that just failed a health inspection. I’ll save you the boredom of this boring challenge (seriously, how many pucks do these assholes get to throw?): it comes down to the last rock, Colby wins it, and he’s off to the hotel with Danielle and Amanda. Bow-chicka-bow-bow.
The reward starts with a boring tour of some museum house, and Colby, Danielle, and Amanda all have that look like grade 8’s on field trip – you know, like “Wow this is Empire Loyalist homestead is fucking boring, but I could be back at school, so I’m at least going to pretend I’m slightly interested in the fact that these back-country rubes used to piss in this here copper bucket every night..” Yup, we’ve all been there.
Tour-time is over, and our three reward winners retire to their room to watch a classic version of
Danielle is fixated on her popcorn, Amanda is going OCD for the immunity idol clue, and Colby, who SHOULD be fixated on the two hot chicks with massive racks sharing his tiny bed, is fixated on – the movie? Colby are you fucking kidding me? Look around man!! You’re the meat in a hot-girl sandwich dude, and you’re watching a black and white pirate movie? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?
Oh but wait, the action is about to get even hotter: Danielle finds the immunity idol clue and
(For the record, Amanda is a twat for giving the clue back. If Danielle was dumb enough to think the floor beside the bed was a good enough hiding place, then I say tough titties to her. And if she thought there was some kind of I-found-it-first rule in play here, then why did she feel the need to hide the clue in the first place. This scene was really dumb. Like mind numbingly dumb)
Back at camp, Danielle shares the immunity clue (and a really over-dramatized version of last night’s events) with her Villainous friends. She and Russell go idol hunting, and it takes Russell about 4 seconds to find the idol, and covertly stash it in his shorts. See Danielle, THAT’S how you hide something without the people around you noticing. Russell doesn’t plan to tell anyone from his tribe that he found the idol, but he invites Candice to a “Wanna see my idol?” date in the jungle. And right up to the point where he unwrapped the actual idol, there must have been a small part of Candice that was worried Russell was just going to whip out his old-man balls. Sure enough, it’s the real thing – and it looks like Russell has yet another girl wrapped around his finger.
The next 30 minutes is a mess of will-she or won’t-she flip drama – featuring both Candice AND Sandra. I’ve replayed it like 3 times, and it’s a complicated mess that would take me another 2,000 words to summarize. And IF (big if) you’re still reading this, you’re certainly not going to stick with me for another 2,000 words about whether one or both of Sandra and Candice are or are not going to flip.
Somewhere in the middle of the drama, there’s an immunity challenge – a replay of the ol’ house-of-cards contest from a couple of seasons ago. Sandra obviously didn’t have blocks in whatever small Mexican village she grew up in; Amanda may be over-thinking the whole thing as she’s building a structure worthy of an Extreme Engineering episode, and Colby – shocker! – sucsk at this challenge again. It’s a photo finish featuring Jerri and Russell, and in the end Jerri win’s her first EVER immunity. Like ever. Wow – she’s sucked for a really long time.
Back at camp following the challenge, and it’s more Candice and Sandra drama. Thankfully, in the name of all that’s good and smart, they’ve at least figured out that whatever one does, they both have to do, or they’re both screwed. At least it SEEMS they’ve figured it out…
Off to tribal council, where Jeff is stirring the shit with a bigger-than-normal spoon tonight and the survivors are being a little more honest than normal. Everyone basically acknowledges that Sandra is the 6th wheel on the villains team, and the heroes even seem to be open about trying to sway her to their side. But will it work? After the vote, Russell plays his ka-billionth immunity idol to the shock of everyone, and as the votes roll in we find out that he really didn’t need it. Its coming down to Parvati – who looks genuinely scared, and Amanda – whose eyes are filling with more and more tears after each vote. Finally the count comes down, and Amanda is going home – which means Candice did indeed flip, and Sandra did not.
But will any of it matter? These so called “alliances” seem weaker that a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest – and I’m betting all promises are off by this time next week…
Oh, and HOW THE FUCK IS COLBY STILL IN THIS GAME? There, that feels better.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Episode 10: Who's your daddy?
Previously on Survive This Blog: you got shafted on a recap and thought you getting the shaft again. But I’m pulling out the ROD to recap this biznatch – so suck it all you naysayers. Or perhaps no one noticed and I’m wasting an hour of my life for nothing?
Previously on Survivor – the Villains were playing smart and JT made one of the stupidest moves in Survivor history. Oh my JT – you are hot, but thick as a batch of southern corn mash, I think. Skelator was voted out of the Villains tribe, and Sandra is left all alone. Makes sense she’d totally turn on her tribemates, non? I mean, you can TOTALLY see that one coming, right? Because just playing along with the madness in a merge would be DUMB-AS-HELL, right? Ah, fuckit…let’s just get this recap over with…
We open up the episode at land of the boring… er, I mean, the Heroes camp. They open tree mail and get a blatant merge announcement – apparently the Villains are moving in. (Because the Heroes have a plethora of bananas? Because Villains totally win out on the beach-side location factor, so am guessing Heroes have a slight edge on natural food survival?)
Over at Villains tribe they get the same tree mail and blah blah blah mergey-cakes. They walk on over to their new home with the key to the big chest of goodies the Heroes have.
At this point the song “I’ve got a brand new pair of rollerskates, you got a brand new key…” started running through my head. All glitzy and disco-y and full of wide-eyed excitement. The naivety on the Heroes side. The blatant fuck-you-in-the-ass intentions of the Villains. It’s all very poetic…
Oh and on the walk over they devise a plan on how to tell JT why Parvarti wasn’t gone, without getting busted. So they come up with the double-idol-play theory.
I’d love to walk you through all the deets, but it’s too tragic. Suffice to say, poor JT swallows Russell’s story hook line and sinker. Sandra finally gets Rupert alone and tells him the truth – and Rupert smartly actually believes her. Maybe it’s all the shady kids he works with on an everyday basis that gives him a bullshit-detector-nose? Whatever, he actually earned points with me on his astuteness when I had been ready to give up on his ass several weeks ago.
Oh, and Parvarti is all pissed that no one likes her. That everyone’s gunning for her. Whhhhyyyyy doesn’t anyone like me? (Here’s a clue – because they know you’re good at the game – so they want you out) Oh – and then Parvarti eats a sacred banana. Ooooh – guess she didn’t know that this tribe will boot you faster than you can say James Clement if you eat a banana without permission.
Rupert brings his info re: shady Russell to JT and the gang. Everyone believe Rupert – um, except JT. But they all decide to “test” Russell by telling him they’re going to vote one way, then vote for someone else. So just in case he gives the idol to save that person, they’ll know. S-M-R-T.
Then Amanda goes and “friends-up” Parvarti like the dumb-ass follower that she is. (Why did previous seasons not make me as annoyed as some of these “All-Stars” – while Amanda is clearly super-hot-smoking-bod, she’s also dumber than a bag of nails – like mind-blowingly stupid, it’s irritating to watch).
So… immunity challenge – they have to stand on big poles with small footholds. Clearly positioned to let a female win, smaller feet definitely have an advantage. And shocker of all shocks, Colby is out first. What a wank.
Sandra drops out quickly too. As does Russell, Rupert and Amanda. JT tries hard, but his big ol’ country feet can’t handle it and he’s out. Candice, Parvarti, Danielle and Jerri are last standing. Jerri drops out while Parvarti hangs off her pole like she’s fucking Gene Kelly in Dancing in the Rain. Candice (who my money was riding on) makes the stupid decision to give up. I’d be so pissed if I was her tribemates, but no one seems to care that she throws in the towel. Parvarti and Danielle left – Danielle tells her that she wants to win it and Parvarti gives it to her. So Skanielle has immunity. Which (in the Heroes’ minds) leaves Parvarti wide open for the picking – but they decide to vote for someone else, because they assume she’ll use the idol, at the same time telling Russell that Parvarti is the one to go home.
Meanwhile Sandra is hanging with Jerri, and interviews that while she can’t stand Russell, she has to vote with her old tribe to stay alive. Which….. I don’t get. Why doesn’t she work harder to integrate herself with the other tribe? Clearly she’s last in the pecking order with the Villains. Why not try to make a move to change that? Or are these Heroes just THAT boring that no one wants to team up with them? I don’t get it – the editing didn’t give me any segue or reason as to why Sandra is all of a sudden pledging her allegiance.
ANYWAYS – back to Russell. And Parvarti. And Russell giving Parvarti his (JT’s) idol. Whilst not knowing that Parvarti has her own idol already. So he’s feeling all macho and protector-man about the whole thing, and she’s all schemey black-widow like, ohhhh yooouuuuu – of COURSE you’re giving me you’re idol. Now watch me make the biggest play EVAH.
Oh – and let’s not forget Amanda. Who scurries over to Parvarti all “please play the idol – you gotta play the idol – you’re in danger! Red alert! Red alert!” Except she bluffs about as well as I do at a friendly poker match. Hell, even my fucking cat looked up at me during her speech to Parvarti and said, “Dude – she’s a BAD liar.” MY. CAT.
So tribal council. Everyone talks about everyone, without saying anything. Jeff probes and tries to stir shit. But honestly it’s pretty boring. Some banana-gate chitchat. Oh, and Parvarti feels bad that no one talks to her because they all think she’s just a threat. OMG who cares…
Time to vote. We actually get to see a tonne of votes – the Villains are all voting JT. The Heroes are all voting Jerri (because, as Candice says, she’s the least likely they’d give the idol to).
If anyone has the hidden immunity idol and wants to play, now would be the time to do so.
Parvarti stands up right on cue (and cut to all the smug Heroes’ nodding and thinking, yes, of course she is…) and gives an idol to Sandra. Sandra’s all – no way! For realzzzz? And then, enjoying all this camera times, Parvarti pulls out the 2nd idol (love Russell’s shocked and yet gleeful troll-face here) and hands it over to Jerri.
Oh, snap.
So she leaves herself wide open and protects the other 2 girlies in her tribe. Rendering all the Heroes’ votes useless. Which means one thing, right?
Buh-bye JT.
Poor JT – he actually looks shell-shocked here. Which I don’t blame. But dammit. He’s my secret boyfriend peeps. No one wants to realize their secret boyfriend is a dumbass cowpoke.
I’m sad. Admit it – you’re sad too. Brilliant move on Parvarti’s part (almost so brilliant it felt a little scripted to me – but let’s all live in the fantasy world that reality tv is real and so forget any snarkiness about the incredible foresight this move happened to take).
Now let’s see how Russell reacts to being out of the loop. Parvarti’s gonna have to turn up her flirt to full on shoulder massages or something to keep him pacified…
Previously on Survivor – the Villains were playing smart and JT made one of the stupidest moves in Survivor history. Oh my JT – you are hot, but thick as a batch of southern corn mash, I think. Skelator was voted out of the Villains tribe, and Sandra is left all alone. Makes sense she’d totally turn on her tribemates, non? I mean, you can TOTALLY see that one coming, right? Because just playing along with the madness in a merge would be DUMB-AS-HELL, right? Ah, fuckit…let’s just get this recap over with…
We open up the episode at land of the boring… er, I mean, the Heroes camp. They open tree mail and get a blatant merge announcement – apparently the Villains are moving in. (Because the Heroes have a plethora of bananas? Because Villains totally win out on the beach-side location factor, so am guessing Heroes have a slight edge on natural food survival?)
Over at Villains tribe they get the same tree mail and blah blah blah mergey-cakes. They walk on over to their new home with the key to the big chest of goodies the Heroes have.
At this point the song “I’ve got a brand new pair of rollerskates, you got a brand new key…” started running through my head. All glitzy and disco-y and full of wide-eyed excitement. The naivety on the Heroes side. The blatant fuck-you-in-the-ass intentions of the Villains. It’s all very poetic…
Oh and on the walk over they devise a plan on how to tell JT why Parvarti wasn’t gone, without getting busted. So they come up with the double-idol-play theory.
I’d love to walk you through all the deets, but it’s too tragic. Suffice to say, poor JT swallows Russell’s story hook line and sinker. Sandra finally gets Rupert alone and tells him the truth – and Rupert smartly actually believes her. Maybe it’s all the shady kids he works with on an everyday basis that gives him a bullshit-detector-nose? Whatever, he actually earned points with me on his astuteness when I had been ready to give up on his ass several weeks ago.
Oh, and Parvarti is all pissed that no one likes her. That everyone’s gunning for her. Whhhhyyyyy doesn’t anyone like me? (Here’s a clue – because they know you’re good at the game – so they want you out) Oh – and then Parvarti eats a sacred banana. Ooooh – guess she didn’t know that this tribe will boot you faster than you can say James Clement if you eat a banana without permission.
Rupert brings his info re: shady Russell to JT and the gang. Everyone believe Rupert – um, except JT. But they all decide to “test” Russell by telling him they’re going to vote one way, then vote for someone else. So just in case he gives the idol to save that person, they’ll know. S-M-R-T.
Then Amanda goes and “friends-up” Parvarti like the dumb-ass follower that she is. (Why did previous seasons not make me as annoyed as some of these “All-Stars” – while Amanda is clearly super-hot-smoking-bod, she’s also dumber than a bag of nails – like mind-blowingly stupid, it’s irritating to watch).
So… immunity challenge – they have to stand on big poles with small footholds. Clearly positioned to let a female win, smaller feet definitely have an advantage. And shocker of all shocks, Colby is out first. What a wank.
Sandra drops out quickly too. As does Russell, Rupert and Amanda. JT tries hard, but his big ol’ country feet can’t handle it and he’s out. Candice, Parvarti, Danielle and Jerri are last standing. Jerri drops out while Parvarti hangs off her pole like she’s fucking Gene Kelly in Dancing in the Rain. Candice (who my money was riding on) makes the stupid decision to give up. I’d be so pissed if I was her tribemates, but no one seems to care that she throws in the towel. Parvarti and Danielle left – Danielle tells her that she wants to win it and Parvarti gives it to her. So Skanielle has immunity. Which (in the Heroes’ minds) leaves Parvarti wide open for the picking – but they decide to vote for someone else, because they assume she’ll use the idol, at the same time telling Russell that Parvarti is the one to go home.
Meanwhile Sandra is hanging with Jerri, and interviews that while she can’t stand Russell, she has to vote with her old tribe to stay alive. Which….. I don’t get. Why doesn’t she work harder to integrate herself with the other tribe? Clearly she’s last in the pecking order with the Villains. Why not try to make a move to change that? Or are these Heroes just THAT boring that no one wants to team up with them? I don’t get it – the editing didn’t give me any segue or reason as to why Sandra is all of a sudden pledging her allegiance.
ANYWAYS – back to Russell. And Parvarti. And Russell giving Parvarti his (JT’s) idol. Whilst not knowing that Parvarti has her own idol already. So he’s feeling all macho and protector-man about the whole thing, and she’s all schemey black-widow like, ohhhh yooouuuuu – of COURSE you’re giving me you’re idol. Now watch me make the biggest play EVAH.
Oh – and let’s not forget Amanda. Who scurries over to Parvarti all “please play the idol – you gotta play the idol – you’re in danger! Red alert! Red alert!” Except she bluffs about as well as I do at a friendly poker match. Hell, even my fucking cat looked up at me during her speech to Parvarti and said, “Dude – she’s a BAD liar.” MY. CAT.
So tribal council. Everyone talks about everyone, without saying anything. Jeff probes and tries to stir shit. But honestly it’s pretty boring. Some banana-gate chitchat. Oh, and Parvarti feels bad that no one talks to her because they all think she’s just a threat. OMG who cares…
Time to vote. We actually get to see a tonne of votes – the Villains are all voting JT. The Heroes are all voting Jerri (because, as Candice says, she’s the least likely they’d give the idol to).
If anyone has the hidden immunity idol and wants to play, now would be the time to do so.
Parvarti stands up right on cue (and cut to all the smug Heroes’ nodding and thinking, yes, of course she is…) and gives an idol to Sandra. Sandra’s all – no way! For realzzzz? And then, enjoying all this camera times, Parvarti pulls out the 2nd idol (love Russell’s shocked and yet gleeful troll-face here) and hands it over to Jerri.
Oh, snap.
So she leaves herself wide open and protects the other 2 girlies in her tribe. Rendering all the Heroes’ votes useless. Which means one thing, right?
Buh-bye JT.
Poor JT – he actually looks shell-shocked here. Which I don’t blame. But dammit. He’s my secret boyfriend peeps. No one wants to realize their secret boyfriend is a dumbass cowpoke.
I’m sad. Admit it – you’re sad too. Brilliant move on Parvarti’s part (almost so brilliant it felt a little scripted to me – but let’s all live in the fantasy world that reality tv is real and so forget any snarkiness about the incredible foresight this move happened to take).
Now let’s see how Russell reacts to being out of the loop. Parvarti’s gonna have to turn up her flirt to full on shoulder massages or something to keep him pacified…
Friday, April 23, 2010
Pool Update 10
WOW - JT's departure swept through the pool like a Hurricane. Knocking off nearly 1 from every team. Including a ton of team leaders. With only 5 episodes left before the Finale, it's a tough decision if you name a new leader or not, but I think you still do it... Just choose one of the final 4!
Good luck:
Week 10 update file:
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