Put a lot more markings on the sheet this time, leader standings are much more up to date.
On of the bigger calls of the week was adding JT, Colby, Candice, Rupert & Amanda to the People with a pre-merge alliance, and sadly with them, I've included Russell, because even though he's not having any part of it, he could have. And most people had him.
Still some key people with some key moves to make, or not make.
http://corvision.ca/docs/S20HvVPoolw9.xls
Good Luck
PS TO recap this week... Courtney went home.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Episode 7 Recap: WAY LATE, Whatever
Survivor Week 7 Recap: Drop your.... expectations.
A great line delivered by Probst this week, but also a message from me to you regarding my recap. I’m on Recap this week, but I didn’t really feel like doing it so I didn’t. And now, trying to remember what it was all about 4 days later is tougher than I thought, so wish me luck. If you didn’t watch it... well, I don’t think you actually missed too much. Other than some of this seasons ‘lesser’ characters actually came to play Courtney, Sandra, Danielle & Candice really took charge this week with strategy and put their stamp on the game.
Last week Rob went home. Coach and Jerri are idiots, but it took until this week until they finally realized it for themselves. The Villains are in total disarray and only the merge can help. Blinded by this observation, they somehow read “Merge” in the tree mail, for the reward challenge and totally packed up their camp, tarp and all, and lugged it across the Island. Dumbasses. This is when Jeff realizing how dumb these people are played a little trick on them, and delivered in classic Jeff fashion the heartbreaking news, “Drop your... (Courney, Sandra, JT all yell with excitement) expectations” Wuh Wuuuh Waaaaaah. The Heroes also come to the realization that Tyson then Rob going home means the Villains have an all girl alliance, oh dear, why do I think this works out for Russell EVEN BETTER.
Anyway, it’s Survivor Bowling. And what better way to celebrate a Bowling win with Pop and Pizza. Really? Is it me or is every reward challenge like a 3rd graders Birthday Party. Bowling, Pizza and Pop? Obstacle course & chocolate? Swimming and Picnic... Really? Stay tuned for next weeks pin the tail on the donkey competition with the winner getting cake and ice cream!
To sum up, Coach really wants to win the Pizza party, and nominates Courtney and Sandra to sit this out, fielding their “A” squad for the Pizza party rather than the immunity challenge. Oh Coach...
Amanda lays down her best Roy Munson impression, and leads the Heroes to yet another win. They’re rolling, villains are reeling. And now the Villains have to rebuild their entire camp.Ha.
Stuff happens, can’t really remember what, but really, it can’t be that good.
Off to the immunity Challenge where it’s a muddy obstacle course, best 2 out of 3 and 1 of the 3 for the Villains involves Courtney. Nuff said. She’s more useless than:
a) Tit’s on a nun
b) 1 Legged Man at an ass kicking contest
c) A Screen door on a submarine
d) Inflatable dart board
e) All of the above
E! The Villains lose. Looks like Coaches “B” Squad couldn’t get the job done.
Oh I remember what happened above now, JT found the immunity idol by himself but got busted with his hand in the cookie jar, so had to tell the whole Heroes tribe he has it, and that he’s going to give it to Russell. Seems about right.
Another quiz! The logical choice to go home at Tribal:
a) Courtney
b) Courtney
c) Courtney
d) Courtney
e) All of the above.
But we’ve all watched Survivor before, that’s not gonna happen. Sandra realizing she could use Courntney going forward comes up with the brilliant plan of telling King Russell Coach wants him gone, thus Russell focuses on Coach, ignoring Courntney's ineptitude at this game, ignoring Danielle’s logical thought processes, and Coach goes home (well, to the giant trailers they have set up for all the castaways that make the Jury anyway).
This will REALLY sell the all girl alliance that doesn't exist, and in the preview for next week, all the dumb ass moves of the past are shown, some classics, with the threat they could be topped. And if the Heroes give the immunity necklace to Russell, I will be in total shock. WOW. I expect merge next week. But maybe I too will be played a fool.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Episode 6 Recap: All hail the king...
Previously on Survivor: Mark Burnett set up a double elimination week to make sure the Villains had to lose a member just to get the drama flowing. Oh and it did – Tyson surprised himself by essentially voting himself out while the BostonRob / Russell war finally got some legs and got started. And then, while the Villains ate hotdogs and watched on, the Heroes tribe booted James. Now 5 Heroes remain against 8 Villains – who’ll be voted out tonight?
Well, since this recap is about 3 days late (Easter long weekend – suck it my peeps), I’m sure you’re all aware who gets voted out. But let’s pretend we don’t and I’ll recap it all suspenseful-like and shit, ‘kay?
Back at the Villains’ tribe, BostonRob is reeling from his BFF getting voted out.
“….for the foist time in all [3 seasons] those times, I was shocked [at tribal council] last night. I completely don’t know what happened. But the more and more I think about it, somethin’ doesn’t feel right.”
Poor BostonRob – he genuinely looks shell-shocked here. And a little bit sad. Awwww…… I want to rub his back and make him feel better.
And while he commiserates with his alliance, Pavarti and Russell and Skankielle chit chat and giggle and celebrate about their coup. Which of course irritates BostonRob, because how dare they celebrate one of the biggest moves Survivor has ever seen? But it alsoforeshadows makes BostonRob start to wonder about the loyalty of the other peeps in his alliance.
Meanwhile over at the Heroes’ tribe…oh wait. We’re still at the Villains – because they’re the only interesting people on this show right now - a.k.a. the Heroes are mind-numbingly boring for even the editors to piece together some watchable minutes.
Sooooo Jerry reminds us all a little bit about why she got picked for the Villains tribe (and why she has zero friends in RL) and sidles her bony ass up to Russell to see wha’ happened…
And within 3 minutes of dialogue he has played his jedi-mind-tricks on her and she’s eating out of his hand like a tame little goat at a petting zoo. Baaa Jerri. Baaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Meanwhile, over at the Heroes’ tribe… everyone is cold and whiny and sad they lost James. Even Colby seems morose. Or maybe that’s because he’s feeling all the pressure to actually DO SOMETHING. Um, yeah.
And then walks over to Russell’s little harem of the “dumb girl alliance” where Jerri is practically worshipping at his feet and Skankielle is not far behind.
Is it just me? Does anyone else get the heebeejeebies when they see Russell sitting like a little toad-king amongst his girls? Because, while it’s awe-inspiring how people don’t see through his shit, it’s also awe-inspiring how all these girls will just sit and agree to everything he says.
So Coach feeds into Russell’s ego (oh and plays SO HONOURABLY btw) by telling him that he respects that he’s not gunning for BostonRob and really truly seems to want to make the right decision to keep the tribe strong (aka voting off Courtney or Sandra). And Coach respects that. Because as an honourable man, he sees the honour in what Russell is doing. Even though, he should know, BostonRob is totally trying to vote off your toady little ass.
To which Russell responds, in his cunning little way, yeah – exactly – I should vote him off, but I want to keep the tribe strong. And then Skankielle and Jerri start piping up that they should get rid of BostonRob, all hail toad-king Russell.
And so it is written. And so it shall be done.
Coach doesn’t like it. But he’s given his word. (His word to Russell – not the word he gave to BostonRob – that doesn’t count anymore-sies – because Russell licked-it-sticked-it-stamped-it, ‘kay?). So Coach doesn’t have a choice. He’s backed into a corner. Don’t you feel bad for him? Because he’s so HONOURABLE. And this is KILLING him….
At tribal Jeff tries to pull out the drama – there’s more bickering between BostonRob and Russell – alpha dogs trying to one-up one another.
Let’s not delay the suspense any longer – 3 votes for Russell. 1 vote for Courtney. And 4 votes for BostonRob.
One last fun part? Coach tries to hug him on the way out and Boston Rob sidesteps him and calls him a “little man”. It visibly crushes Coach. Heh.
Next week on Survivor: The Villians tribe hates each other. The “alliances” breakdown. I smell merge—week…
Well, since this recap is about 3 days late (Easter long weekend – suck it my peeps), I’m sure you’re all aware who gets voted out. But let’s pretend we don’t and I’ll recap it all suspenseful-like and shit, ‘kay?
Back at the Villains’ tribe, BostonRob is reeling from his BFF getting voted out.
“….for the foist time in all [3 seasons] those times, I was shocked [at tribal council] last night. I completely don’t know what happened. But the more and more I think about it, somethin’ doesn’t feel right.”
Poor BostonRob – he genuinely looks shell-shocked here. And a little bit sad. Awwww…… I want to rub his back and make him feel better.
And while he commiserates with his alliance, Pavarti and Russell and Skankielle chit chat and giggle and celebrate about their coup. Which of course irritates BostonRob, because how dare they celebrate one of the biggest moves Survivor has ever seen? But it also
Meanwhile over at the Heroes’ tribe…oh wait. We’re still at the Villains – because they’re the only interesting people on this show right now - a.k.a. the Heroes are mind-numbingly boring for even the editors to piece together some watchable minutes.
Sooooo Jerry reminds us all a little bit about why she got picked for the Villains tribe (and why she has zero friends in RL) and sidles her bony ass up to Russell to see wha’ happened…
And within 3 minutes of dialogue he has played his jedi-mind-tricks on her and she’s eating out of his hand like a tame little goat at a petting zoo. Baaa Jerri. Baaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Meanwhile, over at the Heroes’ tribe… everyone is cold and whiny and sad they lost James. Even Colby seems morose. Or maybe that’s because he’s feeling all the pressure to actually DO SOMETHING. Um, yeah.
Today’s reward challenge is like tackle-water-polo. Nice and physical – setting this one up nicely for the Heroes to win – thanks Mark!
I won’t keep you in suspense – the Villians suck balls at this challenge. Oh and Colby “redeems” himself and actually DOES SOMETHING for once. Oh and Candice continues to be my current favourite girl-crush. Because she rocks it. And she schools Coach one-on-one more than a few times.
The Heroes get to have a big feast of yummy food – not fried chicken and hotdogs for once, it actually looks like a spread that won’t make their starving insides explode. Oh and there’s another hidden immunity idol at their beach – and they decide to find it “as a tribe” this time. Because they’re all unified and shit. They lurrrrve each other. And they’re a strong team. And blahblahblah…
Back at the Villians tribe Jerri and Russell approach Coach for their new “alliance”. And Coach is hurt that Jerri didn’t talk to him about it before. And it he wants to play an honour-bound game…and doesn’t trust Russell…and did trust Jerri and wants to trust BosonRob…. And omg, I don’t know if I can recap this conversation without throwing up. Jerri finally gets annoyed with Coach's pontification and is just like, “well dude that’s my decision – so either you’re with us or you’re not”. Whatever – I stopped caring 3 words into this conversation.
Thankfully we’re saved by the immunity challenge – it’s a net race with a puzzle at the end. Set up well to let BostonRob lead his team to victory, right? Riiiiiiiiight???
Everyone does fairly well at climbing the rope ladder and navigating the net. Well, except for Courtney – she’s a nightmare as usual. Heroes get started on their puzzle first. But that should matter, because BostonRob is the super-puzzle-master, right? Riiiiiight???
Yeah – they get their asses handed to them by JT and Amanda. And the Villians are on their way to tribal tonight. And you can see as Jeff announces the victory, you can see on Rob’s face that he is f.u.c.k.e.d. With a capital F.
Back at the Villains tribe, Russell and BostonRob have one of the best conversations EVAH.
Rob asks Russell what he thinks they should do – Russell responds, “I think we need to weed off the weak”.
BostonRob asks who he suggests.
And Russell responds, “One of these” and gestures to Courtney and Sandra, who are SITTING RIGHT THERE.
It’s fantastic. So fantastic that I had to rewind and watch this a few times just to laugh a little more. BostonRob’s reaction is also amused disbelief laughter. Like, dude, did you just say that?
Anyways – Russell is playing the cocky, “this is what we gotta do” card. And just like last season, everyone is falling in line. Well, except BostonRob, who of course doesn’t want to split up his remaining alliance. Even Coach is gunning for him to boot Courtney. To which BostonRob tries to pull a page out of Russell’s book and jedi-mind-trick him into doing what he wants on the basis of “honour” and “loyalty”. So Coach agrees to vote out Russell and even fist-bumps BostonRob on solidifying his “word”.
I won’t keep you in suspense – the Villians suck balls at this challenge. Oh and Colby “redeems” himself and actually DOES SOMETHING for once. Oh and Candice continues to be my current favourite girl-crush. Because she rocks it. And she schools Coach one-on-one more than a few times.
The Heroes get to have a big feast of yummy food – not fried chicken and hotdogs for once, it actually looks like a spread that won’t make their starving insides explode. Oh and there’s another hidden immunity idol at their beach – and they decide to find it “as a tribe” this time. Because they’re all unified and shit. They lurrrrve each other. And they’re a strong team. And blahblahblah…
Back at the Villians tribe Jerri and Russell approach Coach for their new “alliance”. And Coach is hurt that Jerri didn’t talk to him about it before. And it he wants to play an honour-bound game…and doesn’t trust Russell…and did trust Jerri and wants to trust BosonRob…. And omg, I don’t know if I can recap this conversation without throwing up. Jerri finally gets annoyed with Coach's pontification and is just like, “well dude that’s my decision – so either you’re with us or you’re not”. Whatever – I stopped caring 3 words into this conversation.
Thankfully we’re saved by the immunity challenge – it’s a net race with a puzzle at the end. Set up well to let BostonRob lead his team to victory, right? Riiiiiiiiight???
Everyone does fairly well at climbing the rope ladder and navigating the net. Well, except for Courtney – she’s a nightmare as usual. Heroes get started on their puzzle first. But that should matter, because BostonRob is the super-puzzle-master, right? Riiiiiight???
Yeah – they get their asses handed to them by JT and Amanda. And the Villians are on their way to tribal tonight. And you can see as Jeff announces the victory, you can see on Rob’s face that he is f.u.c.k.e.d. With a capital F.
Back at the Villains tribe, Russell and BostonRob have one of the best conversations EVAH.
Rob asks Russell what he thinks they should do – Russell responds, “I think we need to weed off the weak”.
BostonRob asks who he suggests.
And Russell responds, “One of these” and gestures to Courtney and Sandra, who are SITTING RIGHT THERE.
It’s fantastic. So fantastic that I had to rewind and watch this a few times just to laugh a little more. BostonRob’s reaction is also amused disbelief laughter. Like, dude, did you just say that?
Anyways – Russell is playing the cocky, “this is what we gotta do” card. And just like last season, everyone is falling in line. Well, except BostonRob, who of course doesn’t want to split up his remaining alliance. Even Coach is gunning for him to boot Courtney. To which BostonRob tries to pull a page out of Russell’s book and jedi-mind-trick him into doing what he wants on the basis of “honour” and “loyalty”. So Coach agrees to vote out Russell and even fist-bumps BostonRob on solidifying his “word”.
And then walks over to Russell’s little harem of the “dumb girl alliance” where Jerri is practically worshipping at his feet and Skankielle is not far behind.
Is it just me? Does anyone else get the heebeejeebies when they see Russell sitting like a little toad-king amongst his girls? Because, while it’s awe-inspiring how people don’t see through his shit, it’s also awe-inspiring how all these girls will just sit and agree to everything he says.
So Coach feeds into Russell’s ego (oh and plays SO HONOURABLY btw) by telling him that he respects that he’s not gunning for BostonRob and really truly seems to want to make the right decision to keep the tribe strong (aka voting off Courtney or Sandra). And Coach respects that. Because as an honourable man, he sees the honour in what Russell is doing. Even though, he should know, BostonRob is totally trying to vote off your toady little ass.
To which Russell responds, in his cunning little way, yeah – exactly – I should vote him off, but I want to keep the tribe strong. And then Skankielle and Jerri start piping up that they should get rid of BostonRob, all hail toad-king Russell.
And so it is written. And so it shall be done.
Coach doesn’t like it. But he’s given his word. (His word to Russell – not the word he gave to BostonRob – that doesn’t count anymore-sies – because Russell licked-it-sticked-it-stamped-it, ‘kay?). So Coach doesn’t have a choice. He’s backed into a corner. Don’t you feel bad for him? Because he’s so HONOURABLE. And this is KILLING him….
At tribal Jeff tries to pull out the drama – there’s more bickering between BostonRob and Russell – alpha dogs trying to one-up one another.
Let’s not delay the suspense any longer – 3 votes for Russell. 1 vote for Courtney. And 4 votes for BostonRob.
One last fun part? Coach tries to hug him on the way out and Boston Rob sidesteps him and calls him a “little man”. It visibly crushes Coach. Heh.
Next week on Survivor: The Villians tribe hates each other. The “alliances” breakdown. I smell merge—week…
Monday, March 29, 2010
Survivor Pool Update Week 6
OH!, THE HORROR!
Double Elim week of 2 of the most popular survivor picks to date. Wow. Lots of red X's on this spreadsheet now. If you notice an error let me know. I expect some changes this week, remember the rules, or review them below regarding changes, before submitting your changes. Good luck.
Double Elim week of 2 of the most popular survivor picks to date. Wow. Lots of red X's on this spreadsheet now. If you notice an error let me know. I expect some changes this week, remember the rules, or review them below regarding changes, before submitting your changes. Good luck.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Episode 5 Recap: I Know You Know that I Know You Know.
Previously on Survivor: a bunch of stuff happened, but we’re only going to point out the stuff that’s important for you to know if there’s any chance that you’ll fall for our contrived drama tonight. Rob and Russell are at war, but Parvatti’s is REALLY annoying. James is trying to survive on a leg and a prayer, and Colby has an obvious bull’s-eye on his out-out-shape ass, but no one trusts Candice and she’s not nearly hot enough to keep around for eye candy. 15 are left, who will be voted out tonight?
And incase the recap didn’t put a fine enough point on the situation, the episode starts off by providing us some insight into the drama at each camp. Amanda’s claws are out for Candice, since she know – oh she KNOWS - that Candice was gunning for James, and that she only voted for Tom since she knew which way the wind was blowing. Ya, what was she thinking, focusing on how to make the tribe stronger and trying to convince people to vote off the one tribemate that Terry Fox could beat in a foot race. Clearly Candice needs to be punished for her stupidity.
Meanwhile, over at Villains Beach, Russell and Rob sit down for a moonlight tete-a-tete. Either that, or they’re rehearsing lines for the Survivor Beachside Theatre rendition of Heat starring Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. You watch your back. No you watch YOUR back. No YOU watch your BACK. How about you both go to fucking bed already...
All this excitement before the intro-credits even roll. I think I might pee myself.
We’re not wasting time tonight, as it’s straight to the challenge ,which mildly retarded Colby is still suspicious might be for a donkey punch and a bag of Twizzlers. Actually, maybe Colby is right to be confused since this challenge is for both immunity AND reward. And if that’s not enough to twist your licorice, it’s actually individual immunity, and team reward. I think. I’m fucking confused. Look, both tribes are going to tribal council, both are voting someone off, two people get immunity, and somebody gets to eat hotdogs.
It’s another Mark Burnett throw-back challenge: I believe this one is called the “There’s-so-much-drama-on-your-tribe-and -we-really-want-you -to-go-to-tribal-council-but-you’re-just-too-strong-and-we’re-tired-of-waiting-for-you-to-lose-a-challenge-so-we’ve-invented -a-new-challenge -to-make-both-tribes-go-to-tribal-council” challenge. You know the one – ropes, more bamboo scaffolding than a Chinese construction site, and Jeff Probst’s manufactured commentary designed to make you think it’s really close and dramatic.
The Heroes start us off and predictably Colby sucks, Rupert sucks, Amanda’s bathing suit is falling off, and JT is out to an early lead. But surprisingly, peg-leg-James is still in the running, and Candice is showing she’s climbed a fence or two before while attached to a rope. Candice wins immunity, and the rest of the tribe all fight back the urge to point at Colby and crack out the ol’ Nelson Munz “Ha ha!”
The Villains are up next, and it’s a tight race between Rob and Tyson. And Russell – ya right, Russell is right there, almost winning. Sure he is. In fact, everyone is right in this except Sandra, who looks like she couldn’t climb over a sawhorse for a thousand bucks. In the end, it’s all Rob – and he wins individual immunity.
And it case they weren’t bruised enough, Candice and Boston Rob battle it out for the hotdog buffet. And because I’m at close to 1,000 words already, half of you have probably stopped reading, and there’s still a lot of drama to recap – I’ll just cut to the chase and tell you Rob wins.
At Villains beach, Boston Rob is calling the shots and he’s devised a devious little plan to vote for Parvatti but head-fake Russell to flush out the idol. Everyone is one board with the plan, even Coach who plans to keep his word and vote with integrity. Because apparently integrity means doing exactly what you swore you would do most recently, with all subsequent swearings fully negating any and all commitments which may or may not have previously been made. Is this guy a soccer coach or a lawyer? Rob takes another chance to needle Russell, who’s on to their plan. And he’s devised a little plan of his own – to give Parvati the immunity idol, and vote for Tyson. This could get interested.
Back at Hero Beach, Colby has come to terms with the fact that he’s the next to go – and he’d like everyone to just chill out and have a nice relaxing day. No need for strategizing, everyone just vote for tired ol’ Colby. Great then, I guess we can just skip right to tribal council then, right? Right Mark Burnett? Nothing to see here... Ah fuck, they’re still going to try to dig up some drama. Seems everyone
might be having second thoughts, and maybe James should go home since he’s a dirty banana stealing gimp. But James isn’t going to limp to the finish without a fight, so he’s taking a page out of Forrest Gump’s diary and run-run-run-ing for his life. Will it be enough to convince the Heroes he’s strong enough to stay?
While the Heroes are playing Special Olympics, Boston Rob is talking advanced strategy with the Villains. Seems he’s been playing a little “What would I do if I were Russell” game, and may have figured out the oil-man’s little plan. So the new plan is to split the vote, between Russell and Parvati – forcing a tie and a revote. But wait, Russell already thought that they might know that he knows that they know he knows that they know, so he’s got a plan G – sacrifice Parvati to save your own ass. But that could make Tyson flip his vote to Parvati as well, putting the original plan back in play. Damn, this is gonna be good...
Tribal council round 1 is finally here, and after some Probst probing, we’re quickly to the vote. The voting is flashes of Parvati, Tyson, and Russell ‘s names on ballots – and after one last chance to play the Immunity idol it’s
Sorry, just had to sneak that advertisement in there while I had your attention. Wasn’t that suspenseful?
And Russell playing the immunity idol! But wait, he’s giving it to Parvati!! Holy shit this guy’s got balls! First vote Russell. Russell. Parvati. Parvati. Parvati. Parvati. Tyson. Tyson. Tyson! Wow. I’m just shocked. That was hands down the best Survivor strategy I’ve ever seen. EVER. I can’t believe I ever doubted this show. I swear I will never ever again be sarcastic about...
Oh wait, there’s another tribal council!
More questions from Jeff, more shots of Colby looking confused and Amanda looking like she’s sitting on a pine cone, and words of wisdom from James. And while the Villains gorge themselves on Oscar Meyer’s finest, the Heroes begin voting. No ballot flashing tonight, and no witty comments – which is usually a sign this vote is about to be a landslide. Predictably, it is landslide – but surprisingly Colby is staying, and James is sent hobbling off to rehab. Or the bar, apparently. And I’m shocked again. Seriously, I’ll never ever again speak another cyncial word about...
Wait, did Boston Rob seriously just compare Russell to a suicide bomber?
And incase the recap didn’t put a fine enough point on the situation, the episode starts off by providing us some insight into the drama at each camp. Amanda’s claws are out for Candice, since she know – oh she KNOWS - that Candice was gunning for James, and that she only voted for Tom since she knew which way the wind was blowing. Ya, what was she thinking, focusing on how to make the tribe stronger and trying to convince people to vote off the one tribemate that Terry Fox could beat in a foot race. Clearly Candice needs to be punished for her stupidity.
Meanwhile, over at Villains Beach, Russell and Rob sit down for a moonlight tete-a-tete. Either that, or they’re rehearsing lines for the Survivor Beachside Theatre rendition of Heat starring Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. You watch your back. No you watch YOUR back. No YOU watch your BACK. How about you both go to fucking bed already...
All this excitement before the intro-credits even roll. I think I might pee myself.
We’re not wasting time tonight, as it’s straight to the challenge ,which mildly retarded Colby is still suspicious might be for a donkey punch and a bag of Twizzlers. Actually, maybe Colby is right to be confused since this challenge is for both immunity AND reward. And if that’s not enough to twist your licorice, it’s actually individual immunity, and team reward. I think. I’m fucking confused. Look, both tribes are going to tribal council, both are voting someone off, two people get immunity, and somebody gets to eat hotdogs.
It’s another Mark Burnett throw-back challenge: I believe this one is called the “There’s-so-much-drama-on-your-tribe-and -we-really-want-you -to-go-to-tribal-council-but-you’re-just-too-strong-and-we’re-tired-of-waiting-for-you-to-lose-a-challenge-so-we’ve-invented -a-new-challenge -to-make-both-tribes-go-to-tribal-council” challenge. You know the one – ropes, more bamboo scaffolding than a Chinese construction site, and Jeff Probst’s manufactured commentary designed to make you think it’s really close and dramatic.
The Heroes start us off and predictably Colby sucks, Rupert sucks, Amanda’s bathing suit is falling off, and JT is out to an early lead. But surprisingly, peg-leg-James is still in the running, and Candice is showing she’s climbed a fence or two before while attached to a rope. Candice wins immunity, and the rest of the tribe all fight back the urge to point at Colby and crack out the ol’ Nelson Munz “Ha ha!”
The Villains are up next, and it’s a tight race between Rob and Tyson. And Russell – ya right, Russell is right there, almost winning. Sure he is. In fact, everyone is right in this except Sandra, who looks like she couldn’t climb over a sawhorse for a thousand bucks. In the end, it’s all Rob – and he wins individual immunity.
And it case they weren’t bruised enough, Candice and Boston Rob battle it out for the hotdog buffet. And because I’m at close to 1,000 words already, half of you have probably stopped reading, and there’s still a lot of drama to recap – I’ll just cut to the chase and tell you Rob wins.
At Villains beach, Boston Rob is calling the shots and he’s devised a devious little plan to vote for Parvatti but head-fake Russell to flush out the idol. Everyone is one board with the plan, even Coach who plans to keep his word and vote with integrity. Because apparently integrity means doing exactly what you swore you would do most recently, with all subsequent swearings fully negating any and all commitments which may or may not have previously been made. Is this guy a soccer coach or a lawyer? Rob takes another chance to needle Russell, who’s on to their plan. And he’s devised a little plan of his own – to give Parvati the immunity idol, and vote for Tyson. This could get interested.
Back at Hero Beach, Colby has come to terms with the fact that he’s the next to go – and he’d like everyone to just chill out and have a nice relaxing day. No need for strategizing, everyone just vote for tired ol’ Colby. Great then, I guess we can just skip right to tribal council then, right? Right Mark Burnett? Nothing to see here... Ah fuck, they’re still going to try to dig up some drama. Seems everyone
might be having second thoughts, and maybe James should go home since he’s a dirty banana stealing gimp. But James isn’t going to limp to the finish without a fight, so he’s taking a page out of Forrest Gump’s diary and run-run-run-ing for his life. Will it be enough to convince the Heroes he’s strong enough to stay?While the Heroes are playing Special Olympics, Boston Rob is talking advanced strategy with the Villains. Seems he’s been playing a little “What would I do if I were Russell” game, and may have figured out the oil-man’s little plan. So the new plan is to split the vote, between Russell and Parvati – forcing a tie and a revote. But wait, Russell already thought that they might know that he knows that they know he knows that they know, so he’s got a plan G – sacrifice Parvati to save your own ass. But that could make Tyson flip his vote to Parvati as well, putting the original plan back in play. Damn, this is gonna be good...
Tribal council round 1 is finally here, and after some Probst probing, we’re quickly to the vote. The voting is flashes of Parvati, Tyson, and Russell ‘s names on ballots – and after one last chance to play the Immunity idol it’s
Sorry, just had to sneak that advertisement in there while I had your attention. Wasn’t that suspenseful?
And Russell playing the immunity idol! But wait, he’s giving it to Parvati!! Holy shit this guy’s got balls! First vote Russell. Russell. Parvati. Parvati. Parvati. Parvati. Tyson. Tyson. Tyson! Wow. I’m just shocked. That was hands down the best Survivor strategy I’ve ever seen. EVER. I can’t believe I ever doubted this show. I swear I will never ever again be sarcastic about...
Oh wait, there’s another tribal council!
More questions from Jeff, more shots of Colby looking confused and Amanda looking like she’s sitting on a pine cone, and words of wisdom from James. And while the Villains gorge themselves on Oscar Meyer’s finest, the Heroes begin voting. No ballot flashing tonight, and no witty comments – which is usually a sign this vote is about to be a landslide. Predictably, it is landslide – but surprisingly Colby is staying, and James is sent hobbling off to rehab. Or the bar, apparently. And I’m shocked again. Seriously, I’ll never ever again speak another cyncial word about...
Wait, did Boston Rob seriously just compare Russell to a suicide bomber?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)