Sweet 16 - Wednesday Episode

Be sure to get any transactions in Wednesday this week as the show will be on WED not THURS

Survivor Pool Update 5

http://corvision.ca/docs/S20HvVPoolw5.xls

Changes for Tom, et. al. must be emailed to grcory@hotmail.com or risk being ignored. Thanks

Survivor Recap Week 5: What do you mean there's no MRI Machine in the woods?

Previously on Survivor: Villains dominate. Tom finds Idol. Tom Plays Idol. Cerie goes home.

Back at Heroes camp JT is the Heroes Hero. He stood up for what is right and just in the world. He wants to make his tribe stronger, and he voted out the weakest link. Good-bye. It’s nice to know that alliances aside people are willing to vote out the reason you’re getting your ass kicked. They’ll stand by that strategy going forward right...?

Over at the Villains camp Coach Crazy has not only continued his public display of Dragon-Slayer-Chi, but has the entire camp involved; the entire camp that is except for Russell. Russell has opted out of the group activity section of the day, and has gone in search of the Hidden Immunity Idol. Which really, should now just be called the “Russell”. “Psst... I found it, I’ve got the ‘Russell’...” ”If anyone has the ‘Russell’, and would like to play it...” it works. Anyway, while everyone is still playing Coaches yoga for psychos, Russell finds the ‘hidden immunity ‘Russell”. Shocker!

Time for the reward challenge, it’s basically tackle basketball played with a football, with a dodge ball start and a Hail Mary finish played in the mud. The game needs some tweaks but is pretty much amazing and I’m already looking for a local league, who’s in?

Oh I forgot to mention, in grand who gives a flying-fuck fashion, the winner of this challenge gets a couple snickers bars, some M&Ms and an emergency trip to the Dentist.

We’re off... and it’s clear that James has played Baskefodgemudmaryball before. He’s dominating! Finally a much needed win for the Heroes! Go James Go, nothing could possebly go wrong (Simpsons Joke). James is down. Torn MCL, ACL, LCL, FJL, LDL... one of his knee ligaments is fudged! This guy is the survivor equivalent of Vince Carter. Amazing for the 5 seconds they’re actually on the field before getting hurt. So the Heroes now must finish the game a man short, and while its close, and JT totally suplexes Coach (awesome), and Rupert absolutely turnbuckles Jerri into a wood post, the Villains pull it out and are awarded the golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.

Pretty much the only eventful thing that happens while on the reward challenge is Russell tells both Parvati and Coach that he has the Russell. Coach is so fucking hard headed stupid, that he’s now bowing to Russell in full allegiance, ignoring his original alliance, and perhaps only friend, Rob. Not how I would have played it. The Alpha Male competition between Russ and Rob is heating up, and should be exciting.

The Immunity challenge is the one from previous seasons where everyone busts their shins to shit. Everyone but the “caller” is blindfolded searching a field for giant puzzle pieces. This is right up the Heroes alley actually, this is in the bag, finally a win. Then Jeff throws in the twist. Once the pieces are collected, you have to actually assemble the puzzle. Ahhhhh fuck.

Heroes have huge lead. Heroes blow huge lead. Villains assemble puzzle faster and win immunity. Gee, haven’t seen this before. The Heroes are off to Tribal yet again, losing 4 of the first 5 Immunity Challenges, and basically all of the other challenges as well. “Heroes”? More like “Shitties”!

JT Has the same decision to make he did last time. Vote with Tom & Colby to strengthen the tribe or vote with his original alliance and keep James, and pray the next immunity challenge is a puzzleless arm-wrestling competition.... to my disbelief and shock, he voted off Tom. Sorry Tom you sexy grizzly old bastard, you’re one of the best actual Survivors to play the game, and probably deserved a better fate, and a better tribe this time around.

Next week... Boston Rob to Russell “You better watch your back”, Russell to Boston Rob “No. No. No. YOU better watch YOUR back”. Ah good times.

Pool Update Week 4

http://corvision.ca/docs/S20HvVPoolw4.xls

Episode 4 Recap: Don't wear feathers to tribal

Previously on Survivor… the Heroes tribe sucked complete ass so Mark Burnett decided to create a challenge that could guarantee them a win. Yay Heroes! On the Villains tribe, Russell hid a machete to fuck with his tribemates’ heads. Except it didn’t work, because everyone was too busy licking BostonRob’s balls to really care. Oh – and Sandra thinks Coach is a douchebag, but Randy is even more of one, and he’s the first Villain to get his walking papers.  17 people are left, who will be voted out tonight?

Enter après-tribal-council meltdown. Coach is upset that Sandra doesn’t like him. That he got called out at tribal council for being a douche. And then douchily goes one to explain to Tyson how “There has never been a player like me in this game and there will never be another player like me. I do noble things out here and I look ignoble.”

Poor Tyson – he looks like he’d rather kill himself than be in this conversation. He tries to make Coach feel better. There’s a lot of “dude” talk. And then Coach cries. And Tyson hugs him. Sincerely hugs him, to make him feel better. And then I go and stab myself in the eye because somehow Dr. Phil has taken over my TV and I just want my Survivor back.

And also? Sidebar to Coach? You’re on the VILLAINS tribe. People DON’T think you are a noble, worthy, or uncompromising. But the irony is that YOU think you are. And therefore, it is your DELUSIONAL mindset that has you on this little misfit tribe of people who are clearly far smarter than you could ever imagine yourself to be. What’s that you say? You’re a dragonslayer? *pats Coach on the head* Sure you are buddy. You go slay those magical dragons…

Back in reality, Tyson tells Coach he will try to “coach” him through his delusions. But he may not like what he hears. Coach is all, “Tell me tell me!” And then Tyson says the awesome words that still make me giggle as I recap it for you, “Don’t wear feathers in your hair at tribal. Don’t tell your stories, people don’t believe your stories…there’s no reason to tell them. And do your Tai Chi in private where nobody can see you.”

Of course, this is possibly the best advice anyone has, or ever could, give Coach, but because it is a little sliver of hard reality, Coach knocks it back – nope, can’t do it – it’s not me. Maybe I’ll quit. Anything is a better solution than actually taking Tyson’s advice and acting like a sane human being. ANYTHING!

The next day, Tyson actually does try to explain to everyone that Coach’s feelings were hurt and he’s sad and blahblahblah Dr.-Phil-cakes. BostonRob of course decides to try and defuse the situation by going to Coach and telling him to stop being such a douche and “act like a man”.

Over on the Heroes tribe they get treemail and it’s a Sears catalogue “Choose Your Own Reward” challenge. (Wonder how much Sears paid for this product placement). Heroes choose to play for fishing equipment + kitchen set; Villains choose to play for a tool kit and tarp to build a shelter. The challenge consists of everyone lubing up to slip ‘n slide, grab a ball and try to throw it in a net. I know my male cohorts would probably have recapped this differently – but instead I will try to paint you a picture of James covered in body lube. It is… delicious. It is shiny, and hard, and omgsnarfdroolblaragh…. Okay I’m back – James is just HOTTTT. There. That’s all you need to know. (And yes, I looked for a still pic of James all lubed up and ready to slip n’ slide his way into my fantasies – I couldn’t find one)

To recap the challenge – Villains go up to an early lead of 3:1, then lose momentum and Heroes come back to tie it up. It all comes down to Tyson + Colby. As usual, Colby sucks the bag and Tyson wins the challenge for the Villains team.

Villains head back to their tribe and unpack their winnings, where Russell mistakenly pulls out an individual immunity idol clue that was hidden in the handsaw. The entire tribe agrees not to look for the idol, because it would “mark” whoever finds it. Well, entire tribe agrees except for Russell. He’s all “IMMA FIND MA IMMUNITY IDOL!” So he takes off, while everyone else is building the shelter, and in doing so, he’s the biggest heat score since me at 16 trying to sneak a bottle of vodka into the school dance.  Oh, and he doesn’t find the idol. But he does succeed in making everyone in his tribe think he’s a total untrustable douche.

Over at the Heroes tribe they’re making their morning coffee and another CONVENIENTLY hidden immunity idol clue gets found again, in front of the ENTIRE TRIBE. (Seriously Mark Burnett – maybe you should just start skywriting the immunity clues if they’re going to be kept this secretly secret).

Hilariously – the Heroes are all about trying to find the idol. For themselves. Not as a tribe, not as an alliance. And hahaha irony-cakes, the Heroes are acting like self-absorbed villains and the Villains are acting like heroes. Or idiots. You take your pick.

Tom continues his reign of being the most awesome Survivor evah, and finds the idol and let’s Amanda see him do it, so they all know he’s got some leverage. The SilverFox then goes and tells his Tonto, I mean Colby, that he found the idol and hopefully it’s a glimmer of hope for them. We’ll see – but I expect Tom will figure out how to use the idol to his advantage. Let’s hope.

Immunity challenge – it’s the challenge where black Russell passed out and almost died last season! Woot! So here’s the gist, some blindfolded guys have to roll some human gerbil balls to a ball maze tilty-thing, where the gerbils have to guide more blindfolded tribe members through getting the ball through the maze into the hole at the other end.

BostonRob and SilverFox are the gerbils that get to boss everyone around. They both do a great job, and the challenge is pretty even, but BostonRob is slightly bossier and Villains win again.

Now we’re back at Heroes beach and it’s scramble time for everyone. I could recap all this in full detail, but then we’d be here all day. Suffice to say, it’s some top-form scrambling. You really see how formidable of a player SilverFox is, and you’re also reminded of how cunning a player Cirie is.

Anyhoo – here’s how it falls out: Tom chats w/ JT + Amanda, playing the whole “you can trust Colby and I, we’re a better twosome to align with”. So the plan is to vote out Candice. Then Cirie finds out the plan and is all “what the what?” and re-campaigns to get rid of Colby. JT tells Tom of this and that he feels powerless, so Tom comes up with the plan that if the rest of the tribe is planning on splitting their votes on Tom + Colby (3/3 to flush out the idol), all JT has to do is change his vote from Colby to Cirie, and she goes home. We don’t see JT specifically agree to it – but clearly you can see he wants to do it, he wants to keep the tribe “strong”.

Tribal council – Jeff gets all up in Rupert’s grill, asking about alliances and how the vote is going to shake down. Rupert essentially admits he doesn’t agree with what’s going to happen, but he’s sticking with his alliance. More chit chat, trying to make us think that Colby is probably going home, and then the votes go in. And Tom plays his idol, so any votes against him don’t count. And it’s Colby, Colby, Cirie, Cirie…..and ……. Cirie!

Wow, JT actually showed some cojones. Well done kid. That’s probably the smartest move you could make. Cirie is a snake-charmer – big threat for a simple country boy like you….

Next time, on Survivor! Coach leads his tribe in some group Tai Chi (barf) and Candice is scrambling for a new alliance. Oh – and someone else gets hurt. But we’re not going to show you who – because it’s not that exciting and they’re not really that hurt…

Episode 3 Recap: Mud Slinging & Mud Wrestling

Firstly, I'd like to give some props to my cohorts & co-hosts, for a great start to the site/blog and some great reading material thus far. I'd also like to greatly thank you for leaving me this particular episode to recap. A full show dedicated to Parvahotti mixed in with some women on women mud wrestling. You shouldn't have, I didn't get you anything...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 3: “That Girl is Like a Virus” The CBS Official title of episode 3. Yes She Is. I've got the fever. And the only cure, is more Parvati. But more on that later.


Stephenie has just been voted out. Heroes are down 2 tribe members. Alliance lines how now been clearly drawn. Turns out JT is not with Tom after all, but in keeping with his new found willingness to beg, borrow, and steal this season, he tries to make peace with him and it seems to have succeeded for now. James, who at this point of the show has settled down and reverted back into Bruce Banner form, utters his now famous catch phrase "I JYNSP XUNNO WYNN" which of course CBS close captions for us "I Just Want To Win!" - Hey James, stop chewing on marbles you giant freak.

Over at the Villains tribe we catch Parv and Russell snuggling up with each other in bed, giggling like 10 years olds at a sleepover, and not only annoying the rest of the tribe, but raising huge ass red alliance flares. Boston Rob, who has been awesome this year with his Penn & Teller routine of explaining; How to Play Survivor 101, details to the home audience how you can tell who's with who by how they sleep at night. And with Amber at home, Rob right now isn't snuggled up to anyone and he's concerned. He should be more concerned about Russell hiding his Red Sox hat next to the Machete he's buried in the forest. Oh Russell, you crazy cat.

Back to the Heroes tribe, it's a bright, beautiful new day outside, which is not what Rupert was hoping for. Beardo was hoping it would piss rain so the tribe could make a pillow fort, and play truth or dare and spin the bottle, get to know each other a little better and bond as a tribe. Something they've yet to do. If only there was another way... Wait a second the chickens have escaped JT's shitty ass chicken coup and it's up to the tribe to unify and as a cohesive unit and round up the chickens, bond as a tribe - can they do it? Can they change their fortune in this game by re-catching a pre-caught flightless bird? YES! THEY DID IT! Of course Tom catches em, shocker. Tom could catch the Mantracker in 6 minutes with a 5 minute head start. Rupert is happy they bonded after all, although likely pissed they didn't get to play spin the bottle, he'll have to wait longer for that elusive first kiss.

Over at the Villains tribe there is a lot of drama going on. Boston Rob and Russell are debating which one should be the official tribe "DADDY" and Coach, Jerri, Randy all see Parv as a huge threat, and while detailing exactly why she's a threat, and why's she's gonna be the death of their tribe, nobody seems willing to do anything about it. But this is all boring, let's get to the women in skimpy swimsuits mud wrestling!!!

*** Mud Wrestling Highlights from AOL Video Online CLICK ME! ***

Let's be honest. This Immunity challenge was strictly designed to let the Heroes win an Immunity challenge to even things up a bit. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you remove the "puzzle" element of the challenge, the Heroes will win. And that's exactly what happened with this challenge - an 8-0 trouncing of Hero on Villain violence and flat out pent-up aggression and redemption. And it was awesome!

Round 1 - Tom vs Russell - The epitome of Good vs Evil, but Russell tanked, and Tom simply dominated. 1-0 Heroes

Round 2 - Candice vs Parv - Perhaps the best battle of the competition, and not for the reasons you're thinking, although those reasons were pretty damn good too. Candice finally gets Parv into the mud, and wins 2-0 Heroes. Anyone else's version of this battle have them kissing at the end?

Round 3 - Coach vs Rupert - This was actually very entertaining. Coach wins by cheating, then celebrates all the way through Jeff's entire "Hey you cheated it doesn't count speech" so they replay the challenge, Rupert wins, Coach flips off Probst and we're watching the Heroes run away with this 3-0

Round 4 - Jerri vs Cerie - bwahahahahahhahahha it ends exactly how you think it would. As quick as you think it would. 4-0 Heroes

Round 5 - Tyson vs JT - a pretty damn good battle, but JT is victorious. And oddly, similar to the Candice / Parv battle, these dudes kiss at the end too. For real this time. WTF? Tyson's got some manlove for Joe Dirt I guess. 5-0 Heroes

Round 6 - Amanda vs Danielle - another shocking result... not so much. Amanda's a big bitch, and flat out ragdolls Danielle, but there's some good muddy wrestling action before the forgone conclusion. Niiiiiice. 6-0

Round 7 - Really? Round 7? It's 6-0. Throw in the towel. Is there no Mercy rule? There may have been a Mercy rule, but it's Colby vs Boston Rob, and we all want to see this battle. Bobby does a serious head plant, but puts up a great fight. One of the best battles, but it's not enough, 7-0

Round 8... Oh shit. It's the Incredible Hulk vs Randy. Okay New Rule. If Randy beats James, at this challenge, trailing 7-0, the Villains win the challenge. In Randy's defence he didn't scream and just jump into the mud, but he may as well have. 8-0 The Heroes win. Thank god they didn't have to complete a game of concentration before the buzzer goes at the end of this challenge.

On another channel, during this commercial break the Canadian Women have just won Hockey Gold 2-0! Way to go. Wouldn't it be funny if they cracked cans of beer and started smoking Cigars on the ice to celebrate....

The fallout back at the Villains camp and tribal breaks down like this:

Everyone knows Parv is the biggest threat, but the votes may not be there
Everyone knows Randy just sucks ass, and the less men they have, the more men the Heroes have to sit in challenges (wow nice strategy)
Jerri is totally jealous of Parv's control over the men at camp
Parv calls Jerri a bitter old cougar (HA! Burn)
Coach gives an epic version of the Martin Luther King "I had a Dream Speech"... classic Coach
Tribal Council is boring other than a reminder to the home audience that if you find yourself on Survivor, keep your mouth shut while at Tribal Council.

... And now to read the votes... It's unanimous for Randy, throw your buff in the fire, storm off and never return. Parvati doesn't even receive one vote. I'm stunned. The Snake Women lives. The virus is spreading...

Pool Update Week 3

And that is why nobody picked Randy. Although lets be honest, I think this slimmer, trimmer, nicer Randy would have had a good chance in a regular season, but he's outmatched in this Hollywood version. Nice Try Randy.

Also for the questions portion of the Pool, SHOCKER, Russell did sabotage his own camp. Most people got that right. The Villains failed to win 3 challenges in a row, so we're back to Heroes +1.

As for the spreadhseet, I won't be able to update it until Monday (to post it that is) however I've accumulated both spreadsheets (Section 1 and Section 2) into one point total, and have the current TOTAL point standings. I've posted that as a jpg below. Click the picture for a bigger image. 35 points leads the way and of course we're early anything can happen still. The spreadsheet once posted will explain how you have that total.

Good Luck,
G