8:00 – And here we go, starting off with the typical season-long recap.
8:07 – Holy shit this recap just won’t end. I wasn’t kidding when I said season LONG.
8:08 – Finally, some live-action. Back at camp after the last tribal council, and Russell is trying to expose Parvati as a liar. It, once again, one of Russell’s moves might just be working...
8:10 – Hey, anyone on the island remember that Colby and Jerri were on the same season? They were even tribe mates on the Ogakor tribe (yup, Wikipedia on the fly!) Anyone else worried that they might remember that little fact one of these days, and strike up an alliance? I’m calling a Colby-Jerri-Rusell final three right now...
8:14 – Tree mail time: and it sounds like a Colby-special challenge. Could it be sling-shots and plate-breaking? Since Russell is telling us that Colby needs to win immunity or he’s going home, I bet it is.
8:15 – And I’m wrong – it’s some plate-n-bowl-stacking-balance thing. I’ve seen half-time acts at Raptors games that could kick ass at this game. And they stack the dishes on their head. Using their feet. While riding a unicycle. Don’t believe me?
(Ya, I just found that by Googling “Chinese dish stakcking unicycle”)
8:17 – Sandra’s out first. I’m only surprised it’s not Colby. My money is on Parvati to win – anyone else notice she’s won EVERY endurance challenge so far this season? Standing on little platforms? Won it. Hand above your head? Won it. Post balancing? Won it.
8:18 - Jerri’s out.
8:19 – Russell’s out. And I think Parvati is growing a little peach-fuzz beard.
8:21 – Colby’s out, and Parvati has won immunity again. It’s going to make for some interesting stratemagizing before the next vote.
8:26 – Back at camp, and Colby is hussling – to go home? Really? The ol’ "ote me off and let’s just enjoy the day?" schtick? Ya, I’m betting it doesn’t happen. And oh wait, while taking a dump in the woods Colby tells us the truth – that is was all an act.
8:28 – Colby makes his pitch to Russell – and this little fishy is nibbling. At least enough to make us think there’s drama going into tribal council....
8:30 – A mere 30 minutes in, and we’re at our first tribal council. As the jury comes in I notice that Coach has ditched the karma-yoga-tai chi look for the country-clu douche bag look. And Rupert has gone from the drunken-hobo look to the showered-drunken-hobo look.
8:33 – After lots of chatter, but nothing really much said – it’s time to vote: we get to see that Colby is voting for Sandra, and Sandra is voting for Colby – and that’s it. Not even a clever comment that could be taken either way...
8:34 – The vote is in: Colby. Sandra. Colby. Colby. That’s enough, and Colby is going home. And that last 30 minutes shows why I don’t win these pool – I can’t even predict what’s going to happen in the next half-hour...
8:36 – Commercial break – the Global Reality TV channel launches July 1. What are they going to show on the main Global channel now then?
8:37 – Speaking of reality TV, I’m pledging right now: if there’s a Big Brother on this summer, I’m not watching it.
8:39 – The final-four, all Villains, are back to camp. Parvati just realized that she’s a threat. Well duh sunshine, has anyone else left even won an immunity challenge?
8:41 – Tree mail time again – already. And it’s a treasure map – to the ceremonial torch-burning challenge. Out of protest for this annual melodramatic crap-fest, my least favourite part of every season, I’m not recapping it.
8:58 – Smoke break over, and we’re FINALLY through memory lane and onto the last immunity challenge. Could Jeff stress that this is the LAST challenge any more? It’s a big blind-folded maze challenge. This could be good. Interesting, but hard to recap. Suffice it to say, there’s a lot of bumping into each other and walls. And Sandra sucks.
9:04 – Wow! What a finish. That was amazingly close. And Russell has immunity, and will make his final tribal council for the second season in a row. And am I the only person that just realized that it’s going to be a final-three again this season, not a final-two? Sonuvabitch, I hate it when they keep changing the rules.
9:10 – I’m pretty sure all of the time between now and the penultimate tribal council is going to be devoted to building up the “will Parvati be going home” drama? 9:11 – Russell tells Sandra he wants her in the final-three, because he thinks he can beat her. Didn’t somebody try that strategy before, in the Pearl Islands? They sure did – her name was Lill – and you don’t remember her because she was an idiot and took Sandra to the final.
9:15 – Tribal council, and everyone seems a little nervous. Even Russell, and he’s got immunity around his neck. Everyone’s making their case: Sandra makes the anyone-but-me pitch, Jerri wants to vote out Parvati, and Parvati wants to stay. It’s like they’ve all forgotten that they ALL have a vote – seems like they’re all lobbying for Russell’s vote. He’s got immunity, not the magic veto.
9:19 – Jeff reads out the votes, and predictably it’s Parvati, Jerri, Jerri. And... Jerri. Bold move by Russell. Maybe he did have a magic veto. He better hope he has Jerri’s vote – and if he does, this will be another smart Russell move.
9:26 – Back at camp for the last night. Seriously, can we just move the vote up and get it over with?
9:28 – It’s time for a big breakfast feast. And then I bet they burn this place to the ground.
9:30 – Sanda gets the fire-party started by burning Russell’s hat. What a bitch.
9:32 – Yup, here we go. Parvati lights the shelter on fire. Burn this mutha down.
9:33 – Final tribal council is finally here. What a boring finale episode so far – we can only hope the fireworks start now. Or this is going to be the most anticlimactic finish to the best season of Survivor I can remember. Greg’s taking over the recap from here – I’m going to just sit back, and enjoy. Less typey more watchy.
Welcome back sports fans. What a great season!!! Survivor 20 has outdone itself. 20 seasons in, amazing, and they produce the best one yet. Thanks to S & R for getting us this far, keeping us entertained with amazing weekly recaps, some really memorable comments for sure! Didn't take us long before we should have put an Parental Advisory sticker on this sum bitch, eh? Fuck it, never too late:
The power has now shifted from Russell's hands over to the Jury. As always it's up to the Jury's to decide the fate of the most deserving final 3 in survivor History. Don't think either of these competitors belong here, you're sadly mistaken, and well, frankly you're an idiot, here's why:
Russell Hantz - no doubt the most conniving son of a bitch to play the game. He knows how to get to the finals. He's proven that. I'd even say the best player to play the game to ensure they reach the finals... He's got Competitive and Strategy down.
Parvati Shallow -haha stupid name. Anyway, there is no doubt in my mind she's the best player to have ever played the game (if not, top 3). She does it all. She's smart enough, loyal enough, friendly enough, and competitive enough. Maybe not the best at any one trait, scratch that, definitely not the best at any one trait, but good enough at all of the elements to make her a deadly package.
Sandra Diaz Twine - Like Russell, a perfect example of needing only two of the 3 main elements to excel at this game. I give Sandra Strategy and Social. She kinda sucks ass at challenges. But as she puts later on, it's part of her strategy to suck, so you know what, not being perceived as a threat, maybe she is great at all 3... But one thing about Sandra, is she knows your history. Learns about you, and actually gives the impression she gives a shit. And you can not discount that after 40 days on a frigg'n deserted island.
To the statements:
Sandra starts: "Ju-Know, it be like this, I told ya'all to vote Russell out. Stt. You din nint listen to me. And now ya'all on the jury wishing you were me.... (DAMN! That's a great approach, Sandra could be trouble here)
Russell sticks to the same strategy that netted him second last season. "I beat you. I played this game hard. In your face. Now vote for me". This strategy HAS worked before. Rich started the trend with this being HOW you win this game, but it slowly trended away from the in your face approach, it's gone back a couple times for sure, but as we saw last year with Natalie killing Russell in the final vote, it's a tough sell to people freshly scorned.
Parvati - I was a threat from day 1. I was the target of your votes like 100 times and yet I'm still here. Early on I claimed Russell as my pet dragon, and she proved his allegiance to me by keeping me here. The only person in this game he's proven allegiance to. (Um Russell, this isn't going well for you brother these women are tough)...
To the Jury:
Colby starts. You know what going first on the Jury questions means? You're safe. You're not gonna freak out the censors or the advertisers. Hey Colby, you giant pc of crap, used to be m-effer, sit down and colour or something. (Pathetic sidenote, Colby holds one of the all time records for individual challenges won. This season ZERO, that's how good he USED to be).
Coach goes. Fairly boring yet poetic as always in his own way. To sum it up he basically wishes he snuggled up to Parv instead of Jerri cause well, Parv is way better.
Some women claiming to be my Amanda steps up? WTF? Whoever this broad is just just got point blanked with Homer Simpson's make up shot-gun. You see that episode? The automatic hammer, the everythings okay alarm... and the make up gun? Note too hot chicks, tone it down with the make-up, mmkay? Rocking a body like that, you do not want to distract me to your clown makeup. Anyway I can't even remember what she said, but it probably wasn't very important.
Courtney's turn. A little surprised she was allowed to wear the "I HEART SANDRA" T-Shirt. But it pays to have friends on the Jury. She sets Sandra up for a softball question about proving her awesome loyalty over both of her seasons. Then doesn't even give Parv or Russell the time of day. Who says the Jury doesn't have power.
JT "Cletus" Time. In his stereotypical southern drawl, he actually spits out some really deep Survivor analogies that may prove a huge lesson to the future players of this game. 1: Don't give away immunity to your opponents, but aside from that, 2: Getting to the finals is only 50% of the game. 50%!? WOW maybe he's onto something. Winning it is the other 50%... He basically says what I did above. Russell may be the best 50% player to ever play the game... but you can tell JT isn't voting for Russell, and if he's not, maybe nobody is...
Danielle gets up, just after JT's insight, and asks Russell if he would have changed anything. Setting him up for the classic, I wish I hadn't done __________ to you. And maybe I shouldn't have done ________ to ______... playing the game the Jury wants you too asking for forgiveness along with their vote. To which Russell actually replies "I wouldn't change a thing" to which Danielle replies (NOBODY IS VOTING FOR YOU!)... ouch. Danielle plays the Jury role of Dave, who sunk Russell last season with his "Hey Everyone, vote for Natalie instead of Russell" speech.
Jerri - open vote. Classic win me over questions to all. Sandra and Parv ruin Russell some more and we move on.
Candace - Great. The biggest pc of crap all season gets all high and mighty on Parvati, and bury's her to the Jury. Ungood Parv, ungood. Candace compares her to a sad pathetic abused wife in an abusive situation. Hmm, don't hear that one every day. I think that's worse than the classic coattail rider. I think that's even worse than the "I wouldn't give you water speech" from Sue Hawk ought 20 seasons ago. Bitch.
Rupert - This guy knows how to formulate thoughts into well spoken meaningful sentences. Not me, I just say shit that pops in my head. But this guy... If he had a WHITE beard, dude that would be sick. He'd go from Homeless looking to Philosophy teacher in no time. Anyway, another classic Survivor-ism that goes along the lines of this to Russell:
Honest, hard working effort at Survivor is the true test of a man. And it's the HARD way to make the finals. The lying, cheating, manipulating approach he takes is very easy, and he can't respect someone taking the easy way. Then says both Parv and Sandra deserve to win...
Russell cues the producer to cut to commercial, he can't take any more of this....
We're back and just in time for some alliteration; Hantz's hatless head is hung, hopelessly hoping for a halo'd helper heeding hospice. Hey, Hantz, Huck Hou.
Time to vote. At this point we know that Russells nailed his 50%, but that's the most he's getting. Nobody votes for him. They edit it to show 3-3, Parv vs Sandra with 3 unshown votes, which means someone's winning this thing 6-3... And amazingly, one of them will be a 2 time winner. Wow.
And that person will be revealed once we cut to the live reunion show. And I'm only delaying what you already know to point out some of the fun stuff Jeff used to do. Remember when he Jet Skied across the Pacific to get to the Reunion? That was sweet. He did a whole bunch of other crazy stuff too, but that was my fav. Anyway this time, just walks out to a studio, and reads the votes.
P-S-P-S-P-S-SANDRA-SANDRA-SANDRA.
In typical Sandra fashion he cites some stats. 2 times playing, 2 times winning. That makes her the best ever. I don't know about best ever, but I'm fully in the camp of one of the best...
Russell for the second straight year (and twice in like 6 months) wins and additional $100,000 from for being the Fan Choice winner. Lets face it, good with the Jury or not, this guy is entertaining to watch.
After a mini-reunion blowup between Boston Rob and Russell I have an idea. Survivor with Captains! But better than last year when they dabbled with the idea. The Captains can't be voted off or win the game, kinda like the Ryder Cup. Team Boston Rob vs Team Russell vs Team Rupert vs Team Amanda... ha, sign me up for watching every second of that as well! For now, we're off to Nicaragua, for season 21, although slightly less hopes rest on season 21, but don't forget it was season 19 that found Russell out of no where as well when hopes were low. So my guess is there's some more great casting. But this super all-star edition really delivered and will be missed.
Thanks for following along, hope you enjoyed as well.
The Final Pool Update before the Finale. Good luck to the 6-7 people who are in it for one reason or another. Thanks for playing to the rest. It's been a great year.
Previously on Survivor: Russell managed to get everyone to once again do exactly as he pleased – which this time involved getting rid of Danielle – one of his closest alliance members. You'd think that'd make his alliance turn against him, wouldn't you? Spoiler Alert! It doesn't.
Apres tribal council Parvarti is all, WTF Jerri? Jerri tells her that Russell threatened her and that’s why she changed her vote – but oh yeah, they def need to get rid of Rupert and Colby now (and can I just say – how the HELL is Colby still here on day whatever it is???? Fucking bonkers is what that is.) Anyhoo – Russell plays a bit of crowd control, but really you can tell that he’s not too concerned about Parvarti now. It was clearly a power play, and Russell won the pissing contest, so he’s pretty comfortable with everyone, including the Heroes losers.
Treemail! Surprise! You get a piece of antiquated equipment! Check out your Palm Pre by Sprint! (Seriously Blackberry, you couldn’t pay for the product placement?)
Anyhoo – it’s the family challenge where if they win they get to chill with their family member. Ahhhh – makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I’d recap the brief reunions, but I just don’t care all that much.
Challenge is the classic, “Pass the water by throwing it, fill your bucket the fastest”. Again, I’d recap it, but I just don't care all that much. All you need to know is Jerri, Russell and Rupert actually played well. Everyone else sucked – especially Colby (SHOCKER!).
Jerri wins it and gets to pick a few Survivor friends (and their family members) to join her – she picks Parvarti and Sandra. Russell is spitting mad he didn’t get picked and of course starts sidling up to Rupert and Colby to consol himself.
The reward is coconut fireworks in sea geysers – um, if that sounds crazy, it’s because it is. And really that’s all I have to say about that.
Jerri gets all worried and spends family time to chat strategy – which is really just whinging about the fact that she’s skeered of Russell and is worried he’s gonna be mad at her for not picking him. Here’s a clue – if you’re that worried about it, perhaps you should have just flippin' picked him to join you.Last time I checked you and Sandra weren’t BFF – so the hell is she even doing there? She doesn’t even have an immediate family member as her reward – it’s some random Uncle… (yes, I’m going to hell).
Back at camp, Russell is all, “What was she thinking? I was fully expecting she would bring me. Why wouldn’t she? I’ve been bringing her along the entire time.” And in fairness, he has a point. Jerri would’ve been nothing without Russell. She can’t seem to make a decision (well, a good one) of her own to save her life, and yet she keeps on living…
So instead, Russell approaches Rupert and Colby for a top 3 alliance deal. Plan is to take Parvarti out…
Immunity challenge is the double-handed balance bar doo-hickey.
15 seconds in and Colby’s out. What a fucking clown. Sandra drops, then Russell, then Jerri is also out. It’s Rupert and Parvarti fighting it out 17 minutes in (not a long challenge). Rupert plays around with his poles far too much and Parvarti wins immunity.
Back at camp, Russell changes his mind AGAIN (or did he actually ever plan on going against Parvarti? I don’t know) and tells Parvarti that the plan is now Rupert. That is, until Sandra approaches Rupert again about getting rid of Russell – which of course Rupert plays to his advantage and runs to Russell with – to stir the pot and get his nerves on edge. And Russell falls for it – going immediately to Sandra whether she's with him or against him. She is far too comfortable or has been drinking sea water or something, because she actually tells him “I’m against you Russell” giggling the whole time with Parvarti. It’s enough to piss him off and now he wants to get rid of her.
Sidebar? Russell plays a great game, but his Achilles heel is for sure his inability to trust that someone is not going to vote him out – and perhaps that's always the smart move – vote those that could possibly vote against you. The best defense is a good offense. But both Rupert and Sandra have played this against him to get him to vote in their best interest and to that, I say, well played. Play the playa…
Sandra interviews that she’s so confident she’s not going to use the idol at tribal council, but she may bring it, just in case.
2nd sidebar? How can no one suspect she has the idol? Because where does all this cocky swagger confidence all of a sudden come from, for one of the self-proclaimed “outsiders” of the group?
Tribal council – Jeff sniffs out the Sandra/Rupert/Russell love triangle. I’d recap, but I just don't care all that much. And in the end - it doesn't matter, because Sandra plays her idol (again to the jaw-dropping amazement of Russell). But even that doesn't matter, because Russell ended up voting against Rupert. So all that 'will he or won't he' was just a bunch of made up drama to amuse us. Good editing - I almost believed Russell to be aligning with Rupert. Until he wasn't, that is.
So bye-bye Rupert. You played hard and well. I was kind of rooting for you in the end because you were really doing your best at hanging on. Well done.
Scenes from the next – Sunday, May 16th (wow, rushing us through a bit aren’t they?) – Colby uses the words “send me home”. Say it with me please... What. A. Fucking. Clown.
Winging it again. Notes make this easier for sure, but F-it. I'll make some observations instead.
What a season right? For the past few years there was a learning curve with what to do with the Hidden Immunity Idol. Tell people, don't tell people. Some went home with it, others dabbled with splitting votes to flush it out, people have chiselled immunity stick monsters, made others play fake ones out of sheer assholishness, made exact replicas (that was nuts), but nobody quite realized the power it could have both with it itself, giving it up, and simply making people think you could maybe possibly have it, like they have repeatedly this season.
Russell for sure is the king of Idols, no question, but the shit Parvati and Rupert have now pulled, frigging Genius! A truly wild card element to an already crazy game. It's like calling non face cards wild in a friendly game of Poker. You're gonna get some big hands once you learn how to play.
Anyway, Bye Bye Amanada. You tall drink of kook-aide you. Dumb as all hell, yet one of the best players to play this crazy game. Just goes to show you while "Outwit" is one of the 3 major "OUTS", the other two are more important. Amanada, call me.
How shitty must camp life have been on the Heroes side for Candace to flip? I mean there's no way she could have bought Russell's Immunity Idol final 3 speech is there? I could see it out of total desperation, I get it, but to have Sandra begging you to vote for a Villain, any one Candace wanted, to swing the tide of the game in her favour, and still not vote with your original alliance, means your first 25 days were unproductive on a friend making aspect. Then again, I'm not sure I would invite Colby, Rupert over for drinks any time soon either. Colby seems like a total Debby Downer, Waaaaaah Waaah Waah. Anyway Candace is an idiot, she was easily the most questionable Hero in the first place, not simply due to recognition, but she was the original back turning FLIPPER when she took Jeff up on his Mutiny offer 6-7 seasons ago proving she has a history of flipping tribes. I now think there wasn't a HUGE lineup of returning contestants to come back, because Candace wasn't much of a player, nor much of a Hero. Anyway she got her comeuppance because Rupert faked a rock in his pants, and Colby and Rupert had the final laugh, even if short lived. I was really hoping they were gonna give her the sarcastic standing ovation slow clap though. Ahhh, com'mon that would have been satisfying. Anyway, for my benefit here's a whole bunch of celebrities giving Canadace the slow clap she so deserves Slow Clap
Lets see what else is going on. Jerri and Colby? How are they still around. Jerri has made the final 6 and I still think Tom has a better chance of winning this year. And Colby, how the hell could he step down for a couple of donuts? That was easily the most pathetic move I've maybe ever seen. I still had hope for him, but to quit immunity that easily, even if you don't think you can win...
HD Armpit hair is gross, even on hot chicks.
I'm not convinced yet he's the best player to play this game, but I do think Russell understands the game better than anyone in the sense that people like to plan for the end, to think about things 10 steps down the road, take today for granted, and he takes advantage of that. Because in 20 seasons of survivor, one thing is constant. The game is ever changing. It's a waste of time to think 10 steps down the road if you'll never EVER see step 4. The 'she said to vote you, no she said to vote you' plan he put forth between Danielle and Parv was classic. Not sure he would have pulled that off without the immunity necklace, but great none the less. Danielle also goes home, but she went kicking and screaming and crying and with a whole "Lifes Not fair" attitude that made his dirty move ever more classic. Parvati was wise to his plan and played it very well, but there was nothing she could do. And with that, Russell is back in charge, Parv has no choice but to stick with only him now, and the whole Parv has 2 idols you don't thing, Russell got even.
Sandra has the umpteenth hidden immunity idol. With nobody suspecting her of having it, and her not really even a threat right now for either side, amazingly I think she's gonna find herself doing the memory lane walk during the final 4 finale episode.
Rupert, I like Rupert more now than I did in either of the first two seasons. He does remind me of a Good Russell. The guy has it all together for sure regarding this game, maybe a little too loyal. He's really quite articulate for a crazzy drunk hobo looking guy. Makes some great observations and comments this year. All on a broken toe. He's scrappy if nothing else.
Jeff Probst is getting a lot more camplife cutting room floor info than before I think this season. "So welcome back to tribal council. Danielle, how was camp life today? Russell try and pin you against Parvati or anything else interesting like that happen?... Com'mon. Although it makes for great tribal councils.
Anyway that's my ramblings. Sandra found the idol. Colby And Rupert... still hanging around. Candice and Danielle went home. (The leader in the pool probably shouldn't have added Candice and Danielle this week, just say'n). Everything else is up to date. It's sad we're nearing the end, this season was too good to be true and I think next year, has it's work cut out. Although I get the feeling 16 of the 20 will take the Russell alpha approach, so that should be at mimimum entertaining.
On to next week, where they show Russell and Rupert uniting. Best Hero & Best Villain unite! Colby the geeky sidekick. Wonder how that's gonna work out....
Some major points in the second section, and one major team blunder has shaken things up. Turning into a 4 horse race for overall title, but lots available still for team win and part 2 win. A few people are officially left with Zero players now. And mainly because the Heroes really blew it this season. Should have known Survivor is a Villainous game.
Anyway some fun things that happened:
Fried Food, Individual Immunities, Fake Idols (That Rock in the saggy pocket was awesome), and one more cryer... Booo Hooo.
Wow, it's a Survivor recap - and it's not even Monday yet. Amazing.
Previously on Survivor: the Heroes and Villains merged, and while everyone wondered whether Russell could be trusted, it was Parvati who was responsible for one of the biggest shockers in Survivor history. For the first time ever two immunity idols were played, boomeranging the tribal council vote back onto JT who became the third member of the jury. 9 are left: who will be voted out tonight? No seriously, who’s it gonna be? Really? Jeff’s been asking this question at the start of every episode for 20 seasons, but this edition of Survivor has gotten so messed up, I have no clue anymore. None. I don’t even know who I have left in this freaking pool. And I’m fully expecting that one of these weeks, the remaining Survivors are going to all break out immunity idols at the same time and then conspire to vote off Jeff Probst in a unanimous vote, just to fuck with him. It could happen. It could even happen tonight…
We begin the episode back at camp following said tribal council shocker, and Candice wastes no time congratulating the Villains for their masterful performance. Candice’s intentions are pretty clear with this congratulatory bullshit, and she should just save some time, bow to her knees, and ask the Villains to take her aboard. But the Villains are too busy trying to figure out how Parvati just did what she did. Russell is pissed that Parvati is keeping secrets from him, and he wants to know who knew. But deep down inside, Russell is just pissed that some one not name Russell pulled off one of the biggest Survivor moves ever.
Morning breaks and Candice is getting an early start on betraying her alliance. Russell feels a nibble on the line, and he’s ready to reel this fish in. See, he’s convinced that Sandra is ready to jump to the Heroes side so Russell wants Candice to be his little insurance policy. You know, I hate to again reveal my Russell-love, but this guy is GOOOOOOOD.
We’re off to the reward challenge, and it’s a big Survivor shuffle board contest. Up for grabs: a night at a luxury hotel including a cheesy movie and a sleep in a comfy bed. Let’s face it, after almost 30 days outside these guys would get excited for a night at a roach-infested Motel 6 with breakfast at a Denny’s that just failed a health inspection. I’ll save you the boredom of this boring challenge (seriously, how many pucks do these assholes get to throw?): it comes down to the last rock, Colby wins it, and he’s off to the hotel with Danielle and Amanda. Bow-chicka-bow-bow.
The reward starts with a boring tour of some museum house, and Colby, Danielle, and Amanda all have that look like grade 8’s on field trip – you know, like “Wow this is Empire Loyalist homestead is fucking boring, but I could be back at school, so I’m at least going to pretend I’m slightly interested in the fact that these back-country rubes used to piss in this here copper bucket every night..” Yup, we’ve all been there.
Tour-time is over, and our three reward winners retire to their room to watch a classic version of Treasure Island. And they all have that look like grade 8’s watching a move in the gymnasium – you know, like “Wow this Incredible Journey is so fucking boring, but I could be in class, so I’m at least going to pretend I’m slightly interested in whether this fucking dog and cat make it home again.” Yup, we’ve all been there.
Danielle is fixated on her popcorn, Amanda is going OCD for the immunity idol clue, and Colby, who SHOULD be fixated on the two hot chicks with massive racks sharing his tiny bed, is fixated on – the movie? Colby are you fucking kidding me? Look around man!! You’re the meat in a hot-girl sandwich dude, and you’re watching a black and white pirate movie? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?
Oh but wait, the action is about to get even hotter: Danielle finds the immunity idol clue and calmly nervously drops it covertly obviously on the floor beside the bed. Amanda senses something is up, because she has a pulse and eyes, and the next 60 seconds goes something like this: “Give it to me! Get your hands off me! Colby!! Amanda took my idol clue. Colby!! Danielle’s touching me!!” Colby is asked to adjudicate the disagreement, and he wisely informs the girls that taking their tops off will help him decide who should get the idol clue. Oh wait, no he doesn’t – because Colby’s an IDIOT! In the end, he sides with Danielle’s “I-found-it-first” argument over Amanda’s “finders-keepers” defense. Nice work bud, way to stand up for your tribe mate. For those of you keeping track at home, moron Colby has passed up the best threesome opportunity he’s ever going to see, missed out on an obvious chance to have half-naked hot girls compete for an immunity idol clue, AND failed to help a tribe mate keep an immunity idol clue that he could have shared in, all in the about last 2.5 minutes. What a douche bag.
(For the record, Amanda is a twat for giving the clue back. If Danielle was dumb enough to think the floor beside the bed was a good enough hiding place, then I say tough titties to her. And if she thought there was some kind of I-found-it-first rule in play here, then why did she feel the need to hide the clue in the first place. This scene was really dumb. Like mind numbingly dumb)
Back at camp, Danielle shares the immunity clue (and a really over-dramatized version of last night’s events) with her Villainous friends. She and Russell go idol hunting, and it takes Russell about 4 seconds to find the idol, and covertly stash it in his shorts. See Danielle, THAT’S how you hide something without the people around you noticing. Russell doesn’t plan to tell anyone from his tribe that he found the idol, but he invites Candice to a “Wanna see my idol?” date in the jungle. And right up to the point where he unwrapped the actual idol, there must have been a small part of Candice that was worried Russell was just going to whip out his old-man balls. Sure enough, it’s the real thing – and it looks like Russell has yet another girl wrapped around his finger.
The next 30 minutes is a mess of will-she or won’t-she flip drama – featuring both Candice AND Sandra. I’ve replayed it like 3 times, and it’s a complicated mess that would take me another 2,000 words to summarize. And IF (big if) you’re still reading this, you’re certainly not going to stick with me for another 2,000 words about whether one or both of Sandra and Candice are or are not going to flip.
Somewhere in the middle of the drama, there’s an immunity challenge – a replay of the ol’ house-of-cards contest from a couple of seasons ago. Sandra obviously didn’t have blocks in whatever small Mexican village she grew up in; Amanda may be over-thinking the whole thing as she’s building a structure worthy of an Extreme Engineering episode, and Colby – shocker! – sucsk at this challenge again. It’s a photo finish featuring Jerri and Russell, and in the end Jerri win’s her first EVER immunity. Like ever. Wow – she’s sucked for a really long time.
Back at camp following the challenge, and it’s more Candice and Sandra drama. Thankfully, in the name of all that’s good and smart, they’ve at least figured out that whatever one does, they both have to do, or they’re both screwed. At least it SEEMS they’ve figured it out…
Off to tribal council, where Jeff is stirring the shit with a bigger-than-normal spoon tonight and the survivors are being a little more honest than normal. Everyone basically acknowledges that Sandra is the 6th wheel on the villains team, and the heroes even seem to be open about trying to sway her to their side. But will it work? After the vote, Russell plays his ka-billionth immunity idol to the shock of everyone, and as the votes roll in we find out that he really didn’t need it. Its coming down to Parvati – who looks genuinely scared, and Amanda – whose eyes are filling with more and more tears after each vote. Finally the count comes down, and Amanda is going home – which means Candice did indeed flip, and Sandra did not.
But will any of it matter? These so called “alliances” seem weaker that a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest – and I’m betting all promises are off by this time next week…
Oh, and HOW THE FUCK IS COLBY STILL IN THIS GAME? There, that feels better.
rts fans. What a great season!!! Survivor 20 has outdone itself. 20 seasons in, amazing, and they produce the best one yet. Thanks to S & R for getting us this far, keeping us entertained with amazing weekly recaps, some really memorable comments for sure! Didn't take us long before we should have put an Parental Advisory sticker on this sum bitch, eh? Fuck it, never too late:
Some women claiming to be my Amanda steps up? WTF? Whoever this broad is just just got point blanked with Homer Simpson's make up shot-gun. You see that episode? The automatic hammer, the everythings okay alarm... and the make up gun? Note too hot chicks, tone it down with the make-up, mmkay? Rocking a body like that, you do not want to distract me to your clown makeup. Anyway I can't even remember what she said, but it probably wasn't very important.
ney's turn. A little surprised she was allowed to wear the "I HEART SANDRA" T-Shirt. But it pays to have friends on the Jury. She sets Sandra up for a softball question about proving her awesome loyalty over both of her seasons. Then doesn't even give Parv or Russell the time of day. Who says the Jury doesn't have power.
